Thursday, March 25, 2010

Cantor under fire

Charging that the Democratic Party is using threats of violence as political propaganda, House Minority Whip Eric Cantor today claimed that most Democrats "don't even know what true harassment is, because unlike me, they're not Jews". Cantor became somewhat agitated when reminded of the fact that there were indeed 31 other Jews in the House and 13 in the Senate, saying "obviously I'm talking about Jewish Republicans. Even the other Jews in Congress shun me, and they harass me with their ayes."

Cantor then upped the ante by revealing that unlike "suspect claims of letters and phone calls that are at best exaggerations and most likely fabrications", someone had put a bullet through the window of one his campaign offices on Monday.

"Obviously a sinister liberal Democrat was involved," Cantor says. "And it took a lot of planning and knowledge, because this was the top floor of a Richmond building which is not occupied by me or visibly linked to my name in anyway, and that was temporarily rented by two of my advisors. It was almost as though it was fired from the inside of the office, but there's little doubt hat bullet had my name on it."

This incident was totally ignored by the mainstream liberal media, in no small part because Cantor failed to publicize it, lest it incite further episodes of intimidation. And that's not the only threat Cantor has received, he claims, although he refuses to release any information on the others, because, as opposed to Democrats, he's above playing politics with the issue.

"I feel kind of embarrassed at whining over my little incident," said Bart Stupak who received a picture of himself on a gallows inscribed 'All Baby Killers come to unseemly ends Either by the hand of man or by the hand of God'. "I mean, that's nothing compared with what poor Eric has been going through. I feel like reaching out to him, but unfortunately I can't stand the man."


  1. Hey Eric Cantor! See what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?!?
    They put a bullet through a window! True harassment.

  2. I wanna fuck you like an animal...

    errrr..Ok maybe not. I really am not into that snivelly little Republican shit turn off.