Sanford looks to the future

Thursday was an expensive day for South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, where in the span of the afternoon a judge separated him from his wife and the state ethics commission separated him from $74,000. Details of the divorce settlement were not made public, but according to a senior aide "they made those piddling ethics fines look like chump change". "At only $2000 per violation, this really was a bargain," said Sanford, who says his real crime was not violating the law more lucratively. "I used cars for unofficial business, flew first class instead of coach, boring, penny-ante stuff. You know, as Governor a lot of really good opportunities for graft present themselves, and I really haven't taken advantage of them. I guess I'm a little immature, like Jenny says, but I've learned an awful lot these past few months. I've done hardly any influence peddling, and, holy cow, just look at the calendar. I'll probably never have this much influence to pedal again, so Katy bar the door, I'm looking at a busy final year." "Oooh," said Katy, switching down the deadbolt. "I love a man who lives for danger."