Monday, April 19, 2010

In memorium: Abu Ayyub al-Masri

After numerous reports of his death by Iraqi sources, U.S. officials have announced that Abu Ayyub al-Masri, the leader of al-Qaeda in Iraq, has been killed in an American air strike. Also killed was Abu Omar al-Baghdadi, head of the Mujahideen Shura Council, and Trinket, al-Masri's faithful dachshund.

"Two Abus and a boo-boo, not a bad haul for one air strike," said U.S. Commander in Iraq General Ray Odierno. "There is still work to do but this is a significant step forward in ridding Iraq of terrorists. I must say, though, that I feel just terrible about that little dog. We really had no way of knowing it was in al-Masri's safe house. Still, it had no business being out there in the middle of the desert, although I fully understand that no dog can choose his own master."

al-Marsi, who was Egyptian, was known in the Arab World as 'Crazy Ayyub' ever since his early appearances on Cairo television as the front-man for Dubainaire Electronics - not for his insanely low prices, but for his Rasputin-like gaze. After a brief stint as a spokesman for Al-Jazeera International, he became the leader of al-Qaeda in Iraq, following the mysterious death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi when a 500 pound bomb fell on him. Reportedly, no Iraqis volunteered to secede al-Zarqawi. When al-Masri first assumed leadership, the U.S. put a five million dollar price on his head, but as time went by, the market value on his ass fell to only $20,000.

"Someone could have received a real nice payday if they'd decided to drop a dime on this guy back in 2006," said General Odierno. "Still, I'm glad that we've got him at last. We knew right away that we had the right guy. It was those eyes that seemed to stare right through you. But the thing that struck me the most was Ayyub's complexion; it was almost translucent."


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. ah under sharia you'd be strung up on an insta-gallows for even mentioning los perros, sir h-back--the FGAQ Fatwa!

    Really, quite sad--even enemies are entitled to fair treatment, trial, so forth--the cowboys handled it in their usual butcherous fashion.