Tuesday, April 20, 2010

an unworied man

Reeling from weeks of negative publicity, Goldman Sachs today announced that it was swooning all the way to the bank with first quarter profits doubling from a year ago to 3.3 billion dollars.

"I guess that eases the pain a little bit," said CEO Lloyd Blankfein. "Just kidding, we were never in any pain to begin with. Obviously, with profits like these, I must be doing something right. Still, it is hurtful to have the federal government say all these mean things about us. Just kidding. My friend Mitch told me that if they take any punitive action against me, the GOP will scream bloody murder about Socialist market interference. I told him not to worry about it, the worst they could fine us for would be a few million. Three words - petty cash drawer. Besides, I'd rather have the Democrats in charge anyway. Their fines cost us a lot less than the 'donations' the Republican hit us up for. But nix nox, it's all good."

Blankfein is not overly concerned about the White House calling out Goldman Sachs for defrauding investors in a scheme so insidiously cynical that it makes Medicare scams look like happy talk by comparison.

"What, me worry? Have you met my new lawyer, Gregory Craig? His last job was working for that fellow, oh, what's his name... Barack Obama. Gregory's got an amazing speed dial list. Nah, the only thing that gives me any pause is the possibility that Goldman Sachs might need somebody to fall on their sword to help out public relations. And as the guy in charge, that would be me. I mean, if that happened, who would hire me then?"

"I would," shouted Morgan Stanley.

"Ditto," chimed in Citigroup.

1 comment:

  1. I love your blog, Mark.

    But I didn't know you was an artist too.

    heh heh