Saturday, May 8, 2010

Minnesota illegals

A family of illegal Frenchies cross the porous Minnesota border

Minnesota may be the next state to adopt an Arizona-style policy on illegal immigration, as their legislature takes up debate on a bill to crack down on the infestation of foreigners.

"To educate, medicate and incarcerate illegal immigrants in Minnesota costs somewhere north of $200 million," says Congressman Steve Drazkowski. "And when I say somewhere north it is without irony, because that's where most of them come from. I'm talking about Canada where a lot of folks will do whatever it takes to have a chance at the American dream and move to a milder climate. Well, Minnesotans don't want, need or deserve to be paying for people who the first thing they do when they come to this country is break the law."

"It's the Frenchies that cause us the biggest problem," emphasizes Michele Bachmann, mascot of the world-renowned Minnesota Vikings. "Your English speaking Canadians try to assimilate and avoid attracting too much attention to themselves, but the Frenchies come to Minnesota and just go wild - drug running, human trafficking, carjacking, murder and worse. you'll see half a dozen of them crammed into a beat up old Peugot, driving on the wrong side of the road and blasting Celine Dion at top volume. They don't even bother learning our language, just run around babbling 'Où est ma soins de santé gratuits?' Hello, I can't understand you."

"A lot of folks justify the presence of the Frenchies by saying that they're willing to take the jobs that ordinary American's don't want - hairdressers, mimes, pastry chefs, that sort of thing, but I say that's nonsense. Well, maybe not nonsense, I'll admit to enjoying a nice prune danish on occasion, but for the good of Minnesota, I'll gladly do without."

"I have some quibbles with what Michele said," dissents Governor Tim Pawlenty. "Her heart is in the right place, but I'm afraid her brain is not. We don't really have much of a human trafficking problem in Minnesota - all the whores tend to be local girls. But the drug running is a real problem. Those Frenchies will bring anything across the border, Zoloft, Lipitor, Viagra, you name it, and the prices they charge are ridiculously low. They're quite literally stealing the dollars out of the pocket of America pharmaceutical companies. As for the carjacking, murder, and especially the worse, that's primarily committed by illegals from Haiti and Cuba who sail all the way up the Mississippi River to Minneapolis and St. Paul. They come here for the mayhem but they stay for the weather."

1 comment:

  1. "willing to take the jobs that ordinary American's don't want - hairdressers, mimes, pastry chefs..."

    I'm sorry, that deserves at least one "snicker" in the comments, so here it is: snicker!