Saturday, May 22, 2010

the new message

Protestors are out in full force in New Orleans, Mobile and Pensacola today as the initial impact of the British Petroleum debacle manifests itself on the local coastlines. Many of the most vocal of those attending the street rallies are members the TEA Party who see the crisis as a continuation of the mismanagement and naked power grabs of the Obama Administration. Joe Catalino is one such demonstrator who takes such a position without irony.

"Irony? Don't try pulling that irony crap on me," says Catalino. "There's no conflict in protesting Obama and his socialist takeover of the banks and auto companies and health care, and protesting about his refusal to take over BP. It's two sides of the same coin, brother. Over-reaching, under-reaching, what's the difference? You tell me. The people want this done. Yeah, but when does Obama ever listen to the people? I think it's time to light a fire under Congress' ass cause the black peril has arrived here on our shores. And I'm not talking about Obama, either so don't try to make that sound racial."

In 1989, during the first Bush administration, Congress passed legislation after the Exxon Valdez spill which dictated that oil companies be responsible for dealing with all aspects of industrial accidents, relegating the Federal role to little more than providing oversight and lending technical expertise.

"Bush? Don't start playing that Bush crap on me. Obama always wants to blame everything on Bush. I didn't start paying attention to politics until the TEA Party came along, so I didn't even know he was in office back then. But it does prove the TEA Party point about needing term limits. And for Barack Obama, that limit is going to be two years. Cause in November we're taking our country back."

All in all, correcting this minor historical error seemed largely irrelevant.

"Now that part about only being able to provide technical expertise, that's bullshit," Catalino continued. "See my sign? That's the real deal, Marx not Stark. Unlike Obama, Karl Marx knew how to kick ass and take names. And that's what we need right now. Maybe Tony Stark is a wealthy industrial engineer who can give brilliant advice, but he's still a tool of Wall Street and the military-industrial complex. Hell, he's got his own corporation, just like BP, so you know he's part of the problem. He puts on that Iron Man suit and just goes out and wrecks everything in his path. It's because just like Obama, he takes the law into his own hands."

The immediate problem with Catalino's strategy, aside from the fact that it doesn't take place in a reality-based framework, is the lack of practical expertise and appropriate equipment available to the federal government.

"Reality-based framework? Don't give me that reality-based framework crap. You know, it only took Tony Stark a few week to synthesize the Vibranium atom, so don't tell me BP doesn't have the expertise to stop this leak. We just need to nationalize the corporation and force these geniuses to solve the problem or face charges of treason. But Obama won't do that, it's not part of his agenda. But just you wait, in November the true conservatives are going to rise up and we're going to nationalize the oil industry."

Point made, Catalino turns to leave, pausing for one last message.

"What we really is a president who's not afraid to show some empathy. People down here could use a hug."


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