power play

On Wednesday, Los Angeles voted to ban official travel to Arizona, as well as cancel most future contracts, a move that will cost the state millions in lost revenue. What's even worse, it left Arizona in such a condition of seething impotent rage that there was little most furious residents could do but shout at the clouds, an additional source of frustration in a state known for it's clear and sunny skies. The anger continued to build until today, when it suddenly dawned on Arizona that it had the power to bring the City of Angels whimpering to it's knees. "Bwahahaha," said Arizona Corporation Commissioner Gary Pierce in a message to L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. "If an economic boycott is truly what you desire, I will be happy to encourage Arizona utilities to renegotiate your power agreements so Los Angeles no longer receives any power from Arizona-based generation." And then, to underline the gravity of the threat, he sinisterly added "I am confident that Arizona’s utilities would be happy to take those electrons off your hands." "You think you might have overplayed your hand a little there, Bud?" Villaraigosa replied. "I mean, really, you would be happy to take those electrons off our hands? I'm surprised you didn't phrase that as 'pesky e-lectrons'. That seems a bit more appropriate for a cartoon state like Arizona." "I'm not kidding," Pierce shot back. "Just because you're bigger than us, don't start thinking you can push us around. If you find that the City Council lacks the strength of its convictions to turn off the lights in Los Angeles and boycott Arizona power, please reconsider the wisdom of attempting to harm Arizona’s economy. We'll cut you. I'm not kidding." "We're shakin'. Weeeere shakin'," Villaraigosa cruelly taunted. "Hey cracker, you think you got the only e-lectrons on the market? Might want to give that a little look-see. Oh, and congratulations on your excellent state economy. Arizona must be sitting pretty if you can afford to lose yet another stream of revenue." "Well, your economy isn't that hot either," Pierce replied on very nice stationary. "But the thing is, people of goodwill can disagree over the merits of the immigration law. A state-wide economic boycott is not a message sent in goodwill. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that if we can get this through the legislature - which is a big if, I know - we really might be prepared to take action. Sincerely, Gary." "You misunderstand our gesture, Commissioner," Villaraigosa sniffed haughtily. "Our boycott was indeed a message of goodwill - just not to Arizona, that's all. At any rate, I'm pleased to see that your correspondence is beginning to moderate in tone, so I suppose that it would be just rank cynicism on my part to assume you might have undertaken the meager research required to discover that Southern California Edison, the L.A. Dept of Water and Power and other California utilities have an ownership stake in Palo Verde Nuclear Generating Station (which supplies our e-lectrons) and most of the other major power plants in Arizona. Not to worry, however. We have Absolutely no interest in cutting Arizona's power." "Uh," tweeted Gary, "Fancy a crisp?"