Tuesday, May 18, 2010

from Sarah's Facebook...

Arianna is a WINO. Woman In Name Only that is, because what real woman would so willingly go out of their way to trash a fellow sister? Which she does nearly every day on her trashy, splashy, left-wing blog type thing, the Huffington Post, which she conceitedly named after herself and consists of pretty much nothing but outright lies and propaganda, along with pictures of brain-dead models in their underwear and video that she just steals from that Colbert show. Arianna just slaps all that stuff together and acts like she's done something. It's not even real lame-stream media because, you know, you can't even wrap fish heads in it or watch it on TV.

Look at this liebag piece of crapola that Arianna put up on her poopie page today, Facebook friends, doesn't it just make you sick? That is not a good picture of me. There's some guy standing behind me and I can't tell if it's a stalker or Todd or what. And then of course right beside me is a semi-nude brain-dead model who was put there just to embarrass me, like what are you doing in a leather jacket, Sarah, are you too stupid to see how hot it is? Well I'm not stupid, I'm in Alaska, and bikini season isn't until July 23-27.

And also the headline isn't true. I did not crash a funeral, I went to pay my respects to Walter Hickel, who was governor of Alaska when I was just a little girl. It's true that Hickel said some unkind things about me when I was Governor (especially the quitin' part which he just could not get), but he was old and senile by that time and he probably had Alzheimer's too, as well as being jealous. So I forgave him and went to his stupid funeral.

I didn't tell anybody I was coming though because I didn't want the spotlight to be all about me. I went in through a side door, real stealthily like a mama panther, and stood behind a big fern so I could hear what all the Alaskan 'big wig pols' were saying about me - Tony Knowles, Bill Sheffield, Frank and Lisa Murkowski and Mark Begich, and a few others, probably nobody you've ever heard of. And they were all so jealous that they didn't even mention me until wrinkly old Senator Ted Stevens said "Hey Sarah, whatcha doin' behind that fern?" He's got real good eyesight for a man his age.

Anyway, I said I snuck in like a mama panther, but I'm really looking for a better animal to compare myself to for the next few months. I wanted to say cougar, but yeah, I'm not dumb, I know all the jokes that would get me from the lame-stream media. When I was just starting to get famous I was a pit bull, but then I got tired of that, so lately I've been a big mama grizzly, but I think I've just about to run that into the ground. Maybe you Facebook faithful can help me out with ideas.

Todd suggested a wasp (White Alaskan-Sexy Protestant, LOL) but I don't know, because wasps are kinda gender neutral, and I want an animal that you can put the word mama in front of. Some animal that's fierce but still able to suckle it's young (which rules out sharks and most of the reptiles). I researched fierce animals and did you know that a hippopotamus is fierce? I sure didn't. But then they're fat. I liked the idea of a big mama rhino charging at the corrupt Obama administration, but then Todd reminded me of the RINO word and I was like shoot, there's another good animal wasted (except it gave me the idea for that funny Arianna joke). I read that the weasel is the fiercest animal in the world (I even saw a picture of one ripping a man's flesh) but sorry, that's a bad animal to describe yourself as, so pop goes the weasel. But this afternoon Bristol told me that the wolverine is a type of weasel, and I think being a big mama wolverine sounds pretty cool. Still, I don't want Bristol to get a swelled head, so I'm still looking.

Oh, one more thing about Arianna. I saw video of her last week on Hannity's show, and she can't even speak English. She's the one they should be making fun of on Saturday Night Live, not me. Oh they have? Good.