Sunday, June 27, 2010

Romney bashing season begins

Today marked the unofficial beginning of the race to become the 2012 Republican presidential nominee. Appearing on FOX News Sunday, Mike Huckabee threw out the traditional first slight of former governor Mitt Romney by lavishing praise on every potential nominee except for the Mormon ones.

Huckabee, a former Arkansas governor before achieving success as a bass-playing talk show host, was awarded the honor by virtue of the significant role he played in crushing Romney's 2008 nomination bid, an achievement that host Chris Wallace was quick to note.

"This is a man who changed American history," Wallace said of the plain talking politician. "Without his intervention, John McCain might well have stumbled in his nomination bid instead of stumbling afterwards. Sure, Romney might have become president - albeit an ineffectual flip-flopping one - but then we would have never seen the emergence of Sarah Palin. I suppose that she would still be the governor of a frozen state that nobody but the oil companies cares much for. So thank you, Governor Huckabee, for being the Candy Man of the Republican Party and making our world taste good."

"The Massachusetts healthcare bill essentially is the blueprint for Obamacare," said Huckabee without prompting. "How richly ironic is that? Of course, the man has so much money that he can probably attempt to cloud the issue, so I've got to concede that he's not without resources. The only thing is, they're all his own. Bwah ha ha ha, good one. Oh, one more thing, Romney's got sort of the inside track with a lot of the tired old Republican establishment."

Huckabee would not rule out his own candidacy, particularly in light of the fact that 'poll after poll shows' him to be the frontrunner. "I'm the Republican that clearly at this point does better against Obama than any other Republican. I'm not totally unaware of that."

He might not have been totally unaware of that but he was clearly unabashed by it, proceeding to spread the good vibes among most of his potential competitors. Of Sarah Palin he said "She has got the fire, the energy and I think there are a lot of Republicans who love her, would support her, and she would be a very strong presence in a presidential primary. I really can't imagine Mitt Romney being able to best her in the brains or beauty departments. Not that he's not a good looking man, just a little effeminate and preppy for American tastes."

"I love Jeb Bush," he admitted without blushing. "If Jeb decided to run I think it would be hard for any one other than yours truly to overwhelm him. As opposed to Mitt Romney, he is in many ways, one of the best, most talented people we have in the Republican Party. Too bad about that last name."

Huckabee proclaimed himself "a big fan of Mitch Daniels, comparatively," impressed by Newt Gingrich's "intellectual firepower, comparatively," and admirer of Ron Paul's constant adherence to his principles "unlike certain flip-floppers I could mention." Of Tim Pawlenty he professed relative ignorance, but added that " sometimes the devil you don't know is better than the one you do."

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