Tuesday, August 31, 2010

All Hail The (former) Chief

Republicans were united today in expressing their belief that George W Bush should be given all of the credit for ending the seven year long war in Iraq, but equally insistent that he should not be saddled with any of the responsibility for starting it.

"You might recall that the surge wasn't very popular when it was announced," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, alluding to the well known fact that the 'real' war in Iraq didn't start until 2007. "You might also recall that one of its biggest critics was the current president. That just grills my cheese, and I'll tell him that to his face. If I can keep from barfing."

Obama was notoriously one of the wars biggest supporters of the war when it was first started by Saddam Hussein, who forced the conflict by recklessly pretending to have weapons of mass destruction which he intended to annihilate the United States with in a merciless multi-pronged attack.

"It was easy for Barack Obama to be a cheerleader for the war back in 2002," noted McConnell. "Everybody was for it, and besides, he was only a state senator that no one had ever heard of. Yet, in spite of the popular consensus, President Bush and the Republican Party were determined to do everything within their power to avoid a costly and deadly conflict, and were forced into it only after Saddam Hussein refused to disclose the location of his imaginary yet deadly weapons. If the WMDs hadn't killed us, the suspense surely would have."

"Some leaders who opposed, criticized, and fought tooth-and-nail to stop the surge strategy now proudly claim credit for the results," House Minority Leader John Boehner chimed in. "You know who I'm talking about. This is the most blatant sort of flip-floppery imaginable. Obama was one of the most verbal supporters of this unwelcome war until John McCain invented the surge in 2007. Then, with the same calculating foresight that allowed him to fake his birth records back in 1961, he cynically changed his position in his heartless strategy to defeat the man who he knew would be his opponent in 2008. His heartless tactic worked all too well. All I can say is thank God the economy tanked in anticipation of Obama's election, else he would have surely aborted our mission in Iraq, preventing us from ever celebrating this glorious victory that President Bush and the Republican party so brilliantly engineered."

1 comment:

  1. 'Intromission Accomplished': oh how I remember that day in May!