recess interruptus

Senate Democrats scored a surprise victory Wednesday by passing a long stalled stimulus bill which will supplement bankrupt state governments Medicaid funds and prevent the layoff of over a quarter million teachers, firemen and police officers. The bill picked up the needed two Republican votes after deficit offsets were identified and included in the package. As a result, Nancy Pelosi has called for a special House session next week to insure quick passage. Already more brightly hued than usual from the extra tanning time allowed by the earlier start to summer vacation in the House schedule, an angry John Boehner mounted the FOX News podium this afternoon to urge members of the House GOP caucus to "commit civil disobedience with your feet and seat by not responding to School Marm Pelosi's call for an interruption of our recess." "As a matter of fact, we don't even have to be civil about it," continued Boehner, "we should be downright rude. Instead of saying, 'I'm sorry, Madam Speaker, I've got other plans', we can shout 'Hell no, I won't show', and wipe our hands clean of the entire thing. This promises to be the Democrats last victory before we sweep the place clean in November, so let them enjoy it. All by themselves. And Pelosi can simmer in the burning hatred that her fellow liberals will surely feel at having their summer vacation so rudely interrupted." Calling the bill a "payoff to special interests and union leaders", Minority Leader Boehner was already angry about the idea of a further $26 billion of additional deficit spending by a party that seems unwilling to extend Bush tax cuts for the wealthy, but he was literally steaming from the offsets included in the bill. "This insidious plan means we can't even properly accuse the Democrats of additional deficits. Of course we will, anyway, but that's rather beside the point. And while I'm certainly pleased to see the $11 billion cut to unsustainable future food stamp benefits, I'm appalled by their audacity in cutting off $10 billion dollars of foreign tax credit loopholes from our fine multinational corporations. Multinational corporations are the engine that fuels our economy, and if Pelosi thinks I'm leaving my tanning bed to vote for a bill that hurts large businesses, she can sit on it and spin. You'll never see me pull a stunt like that when I'm Speaker." "There's a certain appealing logic to what John's proposing," said Minority Whip Eric Cantor. "No reason for us to show up, no reason at all. The Dems just have to get 217 of their own to put recess on hold in order to have a quorum, and for a couple of months at least, they still have that many. Of course, that part about never seeing a stunt like that under him is a little silly. He'll never be Speaker as long as he has to go through me."