Wednesday, October 6, 2010

identity theft

"Hello, Christine?"


"This is Sarah."


"Sarah Palin. Don't you recognize my voice?"
"Oh, Sarah! Hi! Derkmahobica!"


"I said derkmahobica. I think that's the way they say hello in Eskimo, isn't it?"

"I don't know, Christine, I don't speak Eskimo."
"Oh, wow! You don't? Cause I would think that living in Alaska some of it would just rub off on you, like derkmahobica. I would think Eskimos must say that to you all the time."

"I guess I just don't notice..."

"Of course you don't, Sarah. I mean, they're not allowed to vote, are they?"

"Listen, Christine, the reason I called... I've been thinking about this for a couple of days, and it's really been bothering me. I saw you on television and you..."

"You must be talking about my new ad! They're playing it everywhere! Look, Sarah, I said that I'm not a witch because I think that's important for the voters to know."

"I know you're not a witch, Christine. They're not real. Now if you had said 'I'm not a demon', that would have been different."

"Nope! Nope! I'm not a demon. I dabbled in Satanism a little when I was a teenager, but I never was a demon."

"That's good, Christine. But to be honest, the thing that I found troublesome was when you said you were me."

"Come again?"

"You looked right at me and said 'I'm you'. You said it a couple of times, Christine, and quite frankly it gave me the chills, like maybe there was something to that witchcraft stuff. Just so you know, you are not me."

"Oh my gosh, Sarah! I said that metaphorically."

"I am not a metaphor, Christine, and that's something you need to get straight in your head. You dress like me, you've copied my hair, you're obviously quite smitten with me, Christine, but make no mistake about it, you are not me."

"I'm sorry if I've somehow offended you, Sarah, but if there's a problem..."

"There is a problem, Christine. You are pretending to be me, either that or you really do believe you're me. And even though I don't usually believe the polls, a lot of people think that you might lose, which thanks to you, would reflect very badly on me. A lot of people saw you make that claim, Christine, a lot of people."

"I... I don't know what to say, Sarah. Don't you think that maybe when I said 'I'm you' that a lot of the people who saw the ad thought I was talking about them?"

"Huh. How naive do you think I am, Christine? You were looking straight at me. So let me just give you a little warning, Christine, you had better win on November 2nd, because now you've gone and made this personal."


  1. I... I don't know what to say, Mark;
    I would love to see these two bitches in a public feud, even if it's over hairstyles, wardrobes, or demonic possession. May the biggest succubus win.

  2. Terry- They might fall for participating in a debate, if they were invited. Where's Katy Couric when you need her?