Sunday, October 3, 2010

Whitman cleans house in debate

During a Spanish-language debate in which no actual Spanish was spoken, Meg Whitman and Jerry Brown engaged in the first ever Californian contest exclusively devoted to the topic of housekeepers.
Domestic help accounts for a full fourteen percent of the Californian labor market, and their votes are seen as potentially decisive. The issue is particularly crucial for Whitman, who got rid of a perfectly good maid in preparation for her run for the governorship. She struck her most effective blow late in the debate, befuddling Brown enough to cause him to stammer, a trait that most Californians find unattractive in a governor.

"You should be ashamed for sacrificing Nicky Diaz on the altar of your political ambitions," said Whitman, who had sacrificed Nicky Diaz on the altar of her political ambitions."Whuh whuh whuh what?" replied Brown, who went on to claim that he didn't even own an altar.
"Then you're jealous of mine, aren't you?" shot back Whitman. "You don't have an altar and I'll bet you don't even have a housekeeper or an upstairs maid or a cook or a chauffer or a couple of groundskeepers or a laundress, do you? I think this is all about class warfare."

"Tha... that's crazy," replied Brown, going onto explain that he had first come to public attention as an anti-war candidate.

"Then I suppose you would absolutely loathe my gardener Manuel, who's been at war with my crabgrass all summer," said Whitman, smiling victoriously at the audience. "How many of you here tonight hate crabgrass? Even if you aren't fortunate enough to have a yard, I'll bet you can't stand the sight of it. Much like the way most of you can't stand the thought of Jerry Brown's father and his ties to the bloody Sukarno regime in Indonesia back in the 1960s."

Brown replied that this was ancient history and that the purpose of the debate was not to air his family's dirty laundry.

"A quite telling choice of words," said Whitman, in what would be the evening's final response. "I suspect that most Americans would love to have someone to do their dirty laundry, and I believe they are deeply suspicious of the sort of class warfare your jealousy betrays. Perhaps not everyone in attendance tonight can afford to have a housekeeper, but there are many here amongst you who can aspire to be a housekeeper, and for Jerry Brown to try and deny you that opportunity is just plain wrong."


  1. heh heh.

    Jerry can be fairly eloquent when he wants to--but probably keepin' it real for La Gente, as they say.

    e-Meg's $120 million (out of her own jodhpurs) rates as the record for spending for ANY US politician. Paraphrasing HSThompson ....f**k that byatch