Saturday, November 6, 2010

Doocy suspended

In a surprising move, FOX News has indefinitely suspended 'FOX and Friends' co-host Steve Doocy, saying that he had violated FOX policy by making contributions to several congressional campaigns 'without seeking permission from his superiors beforehand'. Until Keith Olbermann met a similar fate at MSNBC yesterday, it hand been widely assumed that FOX did not have an 'ask the boss first' policy, an assumption that CEO Roger Ailes was quick to clear up.
"Oh yes, that's always been our policy," said Ailes. "We've got every bit as much integrity as MSNBC, regardless of what that bitch Rachel Maddow says. And our reasons are the same as MSNBC - we want to enforce slavish obedience. Everyone has always strictly adhered to our kowtowing policy in the past, so there hasn't been a problem. Hannity asks permission nearly every other day, and the rest of the crew hits me up at least a couple of times a month. But Doocey is such a reckless renegade that it was bound to get him in trouble sooner or later. It's a shame he didn't ask my permission. I can't even remember the last time I said no."
"I do, I do," interjected FOX token liberal Alan Colmes. "It was last month when I wanted to donate to Joe Sestak."
"And so it was," replied Ailes. "Well, you were a good boy for asking. Now hurry up with my coffee."
Doocy admitted to making contributions of fifty dollars each to the campaigns of Republicans Steve King, Steve Buyer, Steve Scalise, Mark Steven Kirk, Steve Austria, Stephen Fincher, Steve Pierce, Steven Palazzo, and Steve LaTourette. He denied that the payments were political, saying that he had only hoped to get their autographs for his 'Hall of Steves'.
"That excuse might have flown," said Ailes, "but when we looked a little closer, we found that he had also given fifty bucks to Democrat Debbie Wasserman Shultz."
Doocy reluctantly admitted to the donation, justifying it by saying that she was "the only female politician who doesn't look at me like I was a bug."


  1. Hysterical, Mark...
    I didn't know who owned the Hall of Steves, and I'm stunned to find out it's Doochy. But I'd bet munny he's lying about Shultz; he donated because she told him to.

  2. Of all the demonic Foxnews anchors and hosts, Shep may be the Great Satan's favorite marionette (tho followed closely by Chrissy "Ratman" Wallace, and....the Beckster of course)