Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Abdullah reforms

...I'm King Abdullah, There's no on cooler
All the fly girls say I'm a damn fine ruler
Hit me... uh huh... break it down... here we go...
Our main lady's Noor, that's right I said it
Call the queen a whore you gonna find yourself beheaded
Said I'm King Abdullah, You know I wouldn't fool ya
When you see my crib you know your gonna shout booyah!
Hit me.. uh...

"Your Majesty, Your Majesty, a thousand pardons, but there is a most important phone call for you..."
"Would you please take a message, Sahid, I am right in the middle of band practice."
"President Mubarak is on the line. He says that it is most urgent."
"It always is with that man these days... Very well. Take five, guys... Abdullah here... Uh huh... Uh huh... Well, thank you very much for your sympathy, Hosni, but all I did was fire the cabinet and promise a new one. It is not like they have all that much power to begin with. After all, I am a king, not a dictator... Uh huh... Yes, I realize that you are the president, but a president can be a dictator as well... Uh huh... That's very true, a king can also be a dictator, and indeed, it is more in keeping with the job description, but all in all I am a pretty benevolent potentate..."
"Oh, that was easy. I got my people to calm down by promising reform. As you know, I fired the cabinet and named Maruf Bakhit as Prime Minister. He is perfectly capable of forming the new cabinet, that is a level of bureaucracy that I do not need to get into... uh huh... I know you did the same thing, Hosni, but have you ever heard the phrase 'too little too late'? No? Well... uh huh... I am quite sure that they did have some serviceable advice, but your military does seem to be more simpatico with the people than with you, don't you think? uh huh... No need to blaspheme, Hosni...
"Anyway, last week when I smelled trouble brewing, I went around talking to the people... You know, the people, trade unionists, Islamists, students, whatever, you should try is some time. Or should have tried it. Probably too late now... There's that mouth again... I even took a day and talked to the people in the poor parts of Jordan... I know that your poor people smell, Hosni, that's because they can't even afford soap. My poor are a little better off. So I asked everyone what I needed to reform, and I have a long list and I will see what I can do... uh huh... I suppose that it is not so crazy if it works."
"Oh, here is the big news... While I was considering all these other reforms, I decided to reform the band... You never heard my band The Amman Five? We were quite good at one time. Of course that was before I became king, but I thought the people would get a kick out of it... No, no oldies, all modern music. We were just practicing a hip hop song, kind of 962 Street style... Hip hop? It is a little hard to explain if you have not heard it. Are you familiar with rap?... No, rap music. It is very popular throughout the Middle East. Honestly, Hosni, you should listen to the Arab Street..."
"Listen, everybody is waiting on me... No, I do not have any good advice for you. Just take care of yourself and try to stay safe. And feel free to give me a call if your situation settles down... Well, if it does come down to that, it has been a real pleasure knowing you. Take care... uh huh, bye bye."
"Sahid, if Mubarak calls back, would you tell him that I am on tour in Syria?"

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