Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Muammar speaks

...and it is pure folly to suggest otherwise, no matter how much you may wish it were otherwise. You are on drugs, are you not? Believe me, from your behavior that is clearly the case, so I will tell you once again. I can not resign, it is impossible. If I were president, I would have resigned, but I have no position to resign from. I guess you feel pretty silly right now for all your...

What?... Excuse me?... Yes, I know I am going long. It is a long speech, and as you can clearly see, I still have several more pages... I don't care if it is almost time for the Ma Tkhafoush Show or not. State television is under my control and... It is not?... When did that happen? Okay, but I swear to Allah that I will have your head as soon as I wrap this thing...
People of Libya, the producer is asking that I hurry things along so that they do not have to preempt the Ma Tkhafoush Show. My first reaction was to laugh scornfully, but then I am reminded of the Libyan people's love for Nour Al-Sharif and because of my love for the majority of my countrymen, I shall comply with his wishes.
As I was saying earlier, blood shall flow. I realize that there are those who would say that blood has already flowed, but you need to realize that
I have not yet ordered the use of force, not yet ordered one bullet to be fired. But when I do, everything will burn. Everything will burn while blood flows out of it. It will not be a pretty sight.
Now a lot of you are probably asking yourselves 'Will I burn?' 'Will my blood flow?' That is quite possible, these gangs in the streets would be pleased with such an outcome. However, there is a way for you to escape such a fate. Come out of your homes, attack them in their dens. Withdraw your children from the streets.  They are drugging your children, they are making your children drunk and sending them to hell, so you would certainly be justified in the eyes of the Prophet for detaching these troublemakers from their spleens. Damn those who stir up unrest. If you are on the squeamish side, just round up these rats and I will be more than happy to execute them for you.
So to summarize, I had two major points that I wanted to impart today. Number one, and this is aimed at those of you on drugs, I will never leave Libya. It is not possible that I leave this place. I am a fighter, a revolutionary from tents, and I will die as a martyr. And point number two, blood will flow.
Good night and good luck.


  1. Your assignment, if you choose to accept it, Mr. Phelps, is to do a rhetorical analysis of the contrasting oratorical styles of Fidel Castro and Muammar Gadaffi. This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds.

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