Saturday, March 5, 2011

Romney drops the BOM


Saying that a gentleman always offers fair warning, Mitt Romney yesterday announced that he planned a full-frontal attack on President Obama with the most powerful weapon in his arsenal - statistical analysis.
 
"I know the American people, and the American people love statistics," Romney explained. "Everyone I know does. Back when I was running businesses - not destroying them like this president is intent on doing - we used to start each morning with coffee and pie charts, and I know millions of Americans do the same thing. That's why I'm excited to unveil my latest chart, 'The Barack Obama Misery Index'. I'm certain that people are really going to enjoy it."
 
Romney formally introduced the BOM Index today at the annual Carroll County Lincoln-Reagan Day Dinner, marking his first appearance in New Hampshire in weeks and weeks. Judging by the fourteen separate standing ovations, the new chart was quite a success.
 
"Instead of lowering taxes, Obama raised them," Romney told the rapt throng. "That's the gray line that goes across the center of the chart... I probably shouldn't have used gray because it doesn't show up very well, but if you look really closely you can see that it's going up. He wrapped businesses in red tape, that's your red area, orange is where he grew government, and he borrowed trillions of dollars, which is your blue line. My God, just look at that line. I think he made it clear that he doesn’t like business people very much. That's the green line, and as you can see, that one doesn't even show up."
 
"What else did he do? Well, he created a deeper recession, and delayed the recovery. I didn't put those on the chart because I didn't want it to look too busy... The consequence is soaring numbers of Americans enduring unemployment, foreclosures and bankruptcies, and I'm thinking that everybody here already knows that, but up until now you haven't known what to call it. This is the Barack Obama Misery Index, and it is at a record high. You can call it The BOM for short. It’s going to take more than new rhetoric to put Americans back to work, it’s going to take a new president. Of course if the new president has some good rhetoric, there's nothing wrong with that."
 
Romney wouldn't comment on whether or not he potentially was that new president, but he did leave the audience a teaser. "I've got a new chart coming in a few weeks," he told his cheering fans, "and I think it's really going to knock your socks off."

4 comments:

  1. "I'll have a slice of that Mississippi Mud Pie Chart, please."

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. BOM

    Bundy-Osmond Mormon?

    yass.

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