Friday, March 4, 2011

Tyra and Huck

"...Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river... Take it, Huck!"
"Beg your pardon?"
"I said take it, Huck."
"All right, give me that ax."
"Hey, keep your hands off me!"
"Oh... Oh wow, I'm really sorry. Boy, I've been really gaff machine this week. I thought you were asking me to take your bass, cause you don't really need to have two bass players. But, uh, I realize now that you were encouraging me to take the Republican nomination for the presidency. Sorry."
"You've totally ruined the song."
"Not totally, Tyra. I thought the first couple verses went pretty well. But back to topic, I could take it, Tyra, no problem at all. I've just got to decide whether or not I want it."
"I don't know if you..."
"You know, the late great Harry Truman once said that the presidency isn't worth a bucket of warm piss. That's certainly true about Obama, don't you think?"
"No I don't. Furthermore, it was John Garner who said that and he was talking about the vice-presidency."
"I'm pretty sure I know more about political history than you do, Tyra. And I'm absolutely sure that my opinion on Barack Obama carries more weight than yours."
"I should tell the audience that we booked you on the show before you started saying all these ridiculous things. You've sounded crazier than Charlie Sheen this week."
"Did anyone ever tell you that your head is too big for your body, Tyra? It kinda looks photoshopped on. But funny that you should mention Charlie Sheen; look at all the attention he's getting. People hang on to his every word."
"Not. In a. Good. Way."
"There's no bad way, Tyra, as long as you're being honest with the American people. Say, Tyra, are you by any chance a Mau Mau?"
"Mau Mau is the name of an uprising, Huckabee, not the name of a people."
"I know that, Tyra. I'm just engaging in a bit of friendly show biz banter. You know, I could teach you a thing or two about running a good talk show."
"You are an insulting little man."
"You're getting it. That's what I mean by friendly banter. But the important thing is my new book 'A Simple Government'. I need people to hang onto every word of that."
"It would be a simpleton government if you were in charge."
"Whoa, you're on a roll, Tyra. See, unlike my rivals, I'm not wealthy yet. That's why I haven't announced my candidacy. But if my book sells enough, I can get down to the important business of running the country."
"Folks, do not buy this man's book."
"You know, not only does your head look like it was photoshopped on, it looks like they did a bad job of it. I mean, it appears to be growing out of your shoulder."
"That's about all the time we have..."
"You do have a good body, on the other hand. Just because I'm a man of God, it does mean I can't look. Frankly, though, I thought you'd wear something a little more seductive."
"Join me tomorrow when my guests will be Kevin Spacey and Rachael Ray."
"I'm just saying that dress looks like one of Barbara Bush's old throwaways. I think if you put a little more effort into your appearance..."
"Goodbye, everybody..."


  1. Welcome back, Kotter! Oh, sorry, you're not Kotter. Well, welcome back anyway!

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