Saturday, March 19, 2011

rude awakening

"Colonel, we need you in the State Room. The Frenchies have begun flying through the skies of Libya, and it seems..."
"Hold on, let me take my earbuds out... Guard, instead of interrupting me on a pleasant Saturday afternoon, why not make yourself useful by getting me a cup of coffee. And... one of those little French pastries. With the date filling."
"It's odd that you should mention French pastries, Colonel, because that is why you need to meet immediately in the State Room with your commanders."
"Oh, they have pastries in the State Room?"
"Not as far as I know, your Excellency... I came to inform you that French military planes are flying through our air space like they own the place... Why are you laughing, Colonel?"
"Because I laugh at the French. They excel at making pastries, but at fighting the Great Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya forces of Muammar Gaddafi they are a joke."
"Then they are a joke that has begun targeting our military assets. We need to go to the State Room now. They have already destroyed four of our tanks, including one containing  Commander Sihs Boombah."
"Sihs Boombah? Those accursed Frenchies. Nevertheless, they are still a joke, albeit a bad one. And I, your King of Kings, am still waiting for a cup of coffee."
"Well Colonel, how do you feel about the British? Because Prime Minister Cameron now says their attacks are imminent."
"I sneer at the British. You know that I do not have the warmest of regards for those people, with their disgusting food and horrible weather. As fighters, they are a little bit better than the French, but no match for the Brother Leader and Guide of the Revolution. Of course, who is?"
"The United States, perhaps? As you know, they are providing logistics for the attacks, as well as weaponry of their own."
"The United States? Really? But I have had our American diplomat insure them that we are abiding by the cease-fire and that it is the rebels who have broken the cease-fire. I felt sure they would have backed down by now."
"I suppose that they do not believe you, your Excellency. I know, that is hard to believe, but your track record leaves something to be desired. Another vital point - the rebels never said they were going to hold a cease-fire."
"They didn't? That hardly seems fair... Still, I am unworried. I just sent Barack Obama a very nice letter saying that I love him like a son."
"He may be aware of the disdain you hold for the majority of your sons."
"Still, a nice letter like that... I don't think he'll harm me."
"Obama has left the country, leaving Hillary Clinton in charge."
"Mohammadamnit! Well, I suppose there is nothing more to do other than fight on to victory."
"You could come to the State Room and meet with your commanders."
"Get me my coffee, and perhaps I'll think about it."


  1. That must've been a great vacation. This piece is perfection.

    How do you make things so terrible so durn funny? I guess it's an art.

  2. Is the 'n' in 'Mohammadamnit' silent?

  3. Hillary n her peeps got their war pussays on (with Kid Obama following orders, more than likely.

    bust the old creep (and his cronies) but....the US imperial Navy and the olde gunboat diplomacy ?.....
    fock those people