"Good evening, and welcome to a very special Sean Hannity Show. I know that I say every Hannity Show is very special, but this one really is. Look at me, I'm not in my FOX News studio, and I'm surrounded by numerous pieces of paper, each of which contains a very good idea for America. And in an attempt to make our very special guest look more distinguished, I am not wearing a tie. Please welcome former Speaker Newt Gingrich, quite possibly the next President of the United States."
"You look quite dashing without a tie, Sean. It's a look I'd like to try out someday."
"Oh you should, Mister Speaker. I think that you'd look great without a tie."
"I don't know that I would, Sean. I've got a rather pronounced neck wattle that the tie helps to hold in. I'm afraid that if I showed that, some potential voters might start thinking about what I might look like naked."
"Good point as always, Mister Speaker. I know you're here tonight to make a very special announcement, and I just want to say how proud I am that you would choose the Sean Hannity Show as the first place to announce it."
"Not really the first place, Sean. I posted the news on my Facebook page this morning."
"That's very impressive. Most politicians would just have an aid post it for them."
"And I tweeted it."
"But I'm the first person you've told face to face, isn't that right?"
"Of course not, Sean. I've told my wife, I've told a number of friends and associates, I've told..."
"But I am the first media person, right?"
"Wow. There you have it, folks, another Hannity exclusive. Go ahead, Mister Speaker. Announce away."
""Today I'm formally announcing my candidacy for the Republican nomination for president."
"That is just terrific news, Mister Speaker. This is a great day for America. You're going to be very hard to beat."
"I'd like to think you're right, Sean, but I'd be the first person to acknowledge the fact that I have a few shortcomings. I guess a lot will depend on whether or not any of the other candidates choose to focus on my moral character."
"Yeah, gutter politics is always a possibility. But I sincerely hope that your opponents will keep in mind what Jesus said about only people who are without sin should be allowed to throw rocks."
"I always appreciated the fact that Jesus was a very forgiving fellow, but I imagine that even He might have trouble forgetting the rank hypocrisy I showed when persecuting Bill Clinton while I was carrying on my own hot affair."
"I see, the whole judge not conundrum. Of course, Mister Speaker, I'm of the mind that elections are about the future and not the past."
"That would certainly be a comforting thought, Sean. Because I really regret having made so many enemies in my own party."
"That shouldn't be a problem, Mister Speaker. Most of those people are in prison or out of office."
"I suppose the major thing I've got going for me is that I'm the only intellectual heavyweight running."
"That's true. It's just unfortunate that most of the Republican base really doesn't like intellectuals."
"I know... It's going to be really difficult for me to hide my big brain. No matter how hard I try, my enormous head always seems to remind them of it. Anyway, at least I guess I can count on your vote."
"I really can't say for certain, Mister Speaker. I don't know what other friends of the show might yet announce."
"Well, I guess I've got to run. I'm doing the Anderson Cooper show up the street."
"Thank you for stopping by and giving us at the Hannity Show the first shot at this great news, Mister Speaker. You truly are a great American."
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