Thursday, May 26, 2011

da man

"There he be, standing right there in front of you. Who da man?"
"You're the man, Paul."
"It's you da man, Eric, not you're the man."
"Even Newt Gingrich is kissin his butt now. Who da man?"
"You da man, Paul, but you know, if Newt Gingrich was kissing my butt, it would make me feel kind of sleazy."
"Even Dick Cheney be singin his praises now, tellin the peeps that he worships the ground that Paul Ryan struts his Stacy Adams on. Who da man?"
"You da fucking man, Paul, although it must strike you as a bit ironic that just a few years ago Dick Cheney was saying that Ronald Reagan proved that deficits don't matter."
"You're a little jealous, aren't you Cantor? You're jealous of all the attention I've been getting, people telling me I should run for president and everything. Except for Dick Cheney. He says he hopes I don't run for president because that would ruin a good man who's got a lot of important work to do. You're jealous of me, aren't you?"
"Huh. I've got no reason to be jealous, Ryan. A lot of people have told me I should run for president, too."
"Name one."
"Google it, asshole."
"I have, Cantor. Who da man? Who da man?"
"I am not jealous. Just wait until people get a whiff of my new jobs agenda and we'll see who gets all the attention."
"I'm fascinated. Tell me more."
"Well, first of all, it cuts the top tax bracket from 35 to 25% for individuals and corporations."
"Uh huh."
"Not only that, but it eliminates all taxes on money that corporations make overseas and pays for it by eliminating special interest tax breaks like the mortgage deduction."
"Uh huh."
"And it gets rid of burdensome government regulations, and overhauls the patent laws and encourages new drilling and lots of other good stuff."
"Uh huh. So that sounds like a lot of old ideas that we wanted to do anyway. What's new about it?"
"What's new about it? I'm calling it a jobs agenda. Democrats will have to vote for it if it's called a jobs agenda. Pure genius. Who's the man now?"
"I'm afraid da man would still be me, Cantor. You can't just call something a jobs agenda when it's not. That's totally transparent. And lame."
"What? You introduced a bill to dismantle Medicare and called it Medicare reform."
"Listen closer. I said you can't just call something a jobs agenda when it's not. Obviously I'm a little better at marketing than you."
"I know I can sell this thing. I've already talked to..."
"Can't hear ya, got my earbuds in, gettin down with a little Public Enemy slammin it old school."
"You can't just blow off..."
"Da man be blowin you off, shortie. Talk to me when ya got somethin real to deal."

1 comment:

  1. Were they outfitted with tasteful McCarthy-era hats and elegant cig. holders why the boys would nearly resemble the TP's
    fearless leader