Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Sean and Newt

We're back in the studio now with our old friend, Newt Gingrich, presidential contender and former Speaker of the House. That's a crazy picture, Mister Speaker. What the heck is going on there?
That's from last night, Sean. I was doing a book signing and fund raiser in Minneapolis and this gay rights protester caught me by surprise.
What is that? It looks glittery. Is it glitter?
Technically yes, Sean, although I prefer to say that he sprinkled me with fairy dust.
Huh ho, always quick with that Newtonian sense of humor. What was he protesting - something gay?
Technically yes, Sean. He was protesting the size of my debt at Tiffany's. Or more to the point, he was protesting my refusal to answer questions about what I bought at Tiffany's.
Really, that hadn't crossed my radar screen until now. How much is your debt at Tiffany's?
I'm not going to answer that, Sean. That's the sort of information that's best shared only between a man and his merchant.  However, I would be perfectly happy to talk about what we need to do to America and what we need to do to help Americans.
Help Americans do what, Mister Speaker?
Help Americans throw off the yoke of oppression imposed by the most radical socialist government this nation has ever know.
Oh, that. I saw video earlier today of Joey Scarborough laughing his fool head off at your multiple unfortunate incidents. It seems to me your campaign has gotten off to a bit of a rough start. Would you agree with my assessment?
What, with the fact that Joey Scarborough is a fool? Absolutely, Sean. He was in the House while I was Speaker, and as far as I'm concerned he was a complete waste of a seat.
Really? He signed on to your Contract With America and had a 95 percent lifetime rating from the American Conservative Union. That's better than you had.
Jesus, I'm sorry. If you're watching right now Mister Scarborough, I just want to clarify by saying that what I meant was 'holy fool' in the Christian sense, someone who flouts society's conventions for a higher purpose, like Saint Francis of Assisi. And uh, a waste of a seat in the sense that you were always so busy being productive that you hardly ever sat down.
Good recovery, Mister Speaker. Those are very kind words for someone who only moments ago was laughing their fool head off over your misfortunes.
I have a tendency to overreact, Sean, so it's important for me to remember that chances are people are laughing with me, not at me.
No, I'm pretty sure he was laughing at you, particularly when that guy was shaking your hand and advising you to drop out before you make an even bigger fool of yourself.
Well, Sean, every campaign has it's little ups and downs. I suppose that I should consider myself lucky that you have me on your show.
I pretty much have to, Mister Speaker. You're the only friend of the show that's in the race at this point. Huck and the Donald aren't running, Sarah and Michele still haven't gotten in, Rudy is...
Maybe we could spend a little time talking about the deficit now.
Gee, I'd love to but I was just getting ready to bring out my very special guest.
Oh. I see. Who's your very special guest?
Dick Morris.
But... But you have Dick Morris on all the time.
Like I said, he's very special. See ya around, Mister Speaker.
Stick around, folks. After the break, Dick Morris is going to talk about the threat posed by Debbie Wasserman Schultz to the Republican president in the 2016 campaign and why we should stop her now before it's too late.

1 comment:

  1. Now, we're going to show you, ladies and gentlemen, the underbelly of this rat's nest called New Yawk--the perps and perverts who live down here in the streets of Brooklyn-- the human trash that we, that is the Angels, Guardian Angels protect you from-- even little limped writed pansy liberals from being turned into lunch meat. Then you'll be able to sa-shay out into the subway, safe, and free like it was always supposed to be, here in America, as that Dame Lady Libertry knows. Now, sashay your way outta here.