| Newt Gingrich isn't the only politician running for the Republican presidential nomination who has had a really bad month rolled up into a handful of days. That other guy who's running - I can't think of his name, but you know who I'm talking about, the one who's only identifiable position is legalizing pot, which is a really good idea, but still - has had an equally awful patch of days. |
First of all, Ron Paul, the man who's libertarian spot old what's-his-name felt poised to replace, predictably decided to enter the race in spite of the negligible threat that other guy posed.
Then yesterday, must win state Utah suspended the other guys memorably named Our American Initiative PAC for failure to file his first-quarter 2011 financial report.
"Man, that was cold," said the absolute underdog. "I thought you only had to file a financial report if you had actually been able to raise money, so I guess it was kind of my fault. I called them up promptly because as everybody knows, as Utah goes, so goes the nation. I told them I would get right on it - it's not all that complicated filling in a batch of zeros - but they kept asking me who I was and putting me on hold."
Finally, today he received what would have been a fatal blow if his campaign weren't already dead, when he lost the all important Willie Nelson endorsement to Dennis Kucinich, who at this point isn't even in the Republican primary race.
"Man, I must have been high when I said I endorsed this fella," said a surprised Willie upon learning what he'd done. "I mean, sure, that's a gimme, but I must have been really high. I remember watching Gary Shandling and thinking now there's a guy who I could endorse for president and the next thing I know they tell me I came out for this guy who I've never heard of before. Like I said, I must have been really high."
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