To the surprise of absolutely no one, Donald John Trump Sr. Esq. B.S. today announced that he would not run for president, if nominated, he would not accept, and if elected, he would not serve, although he would freely gloat about it.
"You're fired, America," he said in a short statement. "People always ask, who is John Galt. I'll tell you who John Galt is. I am John Galt, that's who fucking John Galt is, and I'm going to stop the motor of the world by depriving America of my magnificence, except, of course, for Sunday nights on NBC."
"You know, if I had run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election. But you'll never get an opportunity to see that happy day now, cause this country has blown it. You've fucking blown it America. You had the future in the palm of your hand and you know what? It was too hot for you. You don't deserve me and you're not going to get me. It makes me wonder, the idea that some people wanted to act like I was a clown that made them laugh. You make me laugh, America. I expect to be hearing a lot of weeping and gnashing of teeth, and believe me, it will be music to my fucking ears."
"Two more things. First, now you're never going to get to see my tax returns. Tough titty, America. And second, you know all that money that I was going to spend on my campaign? I'm going to take it and build the most fabulous hotel and casino the world has ever seen. And you're not going to get to see it, America, because you won't be invited."
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