makin a difference

"People see me out in public, they always wanna know what I'm doin in retirement," said former president George W Bush as the Texas Rangers headed to the dugout for another exciting inning. "I like to tell them that even though I'm not still the Commander in Chief, that doesn't mean that I've left the playin field. I consider myself part of the line of activist former presidents, just like my daddy, Bill Clinton, and that bastard Jimmy Carter. That's why I'm here tonight to further enhance my legacy by helpin my beloved Texas Rangers break the world's record for havin the most people ever wearin sunglasses at night."   "We broke it, too, broke it by a long shot. The Guinness people were here to verify it. They even offered me one of their beers but I told them 'no thanks, I'll just stick with my diet Coke'. It's temptin, but I don't want to be one of those drunken ex-presidents like Grover Cleveland. Course my buddy Dale here threatened to slug me cause he said that I could have given it to him. Ain't that right, Dale?"   "That's right, Chief."   "Dale likes to call me Chief, and that's all right. I told him if he slugged me my secret service guy would be all over him like flies on shit. And then I made him beg for my forgiveness. Ain't that right, Dale?"   "That's right, Chief."   "That's my secret service guy Stevenson right behind me in the red shirt, the one pointin his taser at Dale's noggin. You don't want to use live ammunition in a ball park unless it's absolutely necessary. Anyhow, I'm mighty proud to have set the Guinness World Record. That gives me three world records - most meaningless American conflict, biggest giveaway to our corporate overlords, and most people wearin sunglasses at night. Three world records. That's a trifecta. I'm thinkin that qualifies me for sainthood, except for the fact that I'm not Catholic. I know the Pope, though. The man can pull some strings."   "So what's it all mean, all these people wearin sunglasses at night, that's what my critics would like to ask. Course I don't listen to my critics anymore. That's one of the perks of being an ex-president. But the meaning is not clear, because history has not been written yet. I'm just glad that I still have the motivation to still make a difference, instead of just restin on my laurels. Ain't that right, Dale?"   "That's right, Chief."