Friday, June 24, 2011

Whitey

"Don't look now, young Eric, but if I'm not mistaken that's Whitey Bulger following you."

"What?"
 
"Oh, you know, Whitey Bulger the notorious mobster. Narcotics distribution, money laundering, extortion, and at least nineteen known murders."
 
"You're insane, Boehner."
 
"No, I'm not insane, but I'm pretty sure Whitey Bulger is, and he was giving you quite the stare. I'd recommend that you watch your back."
 
"Listen old man, I'm going to... Oh my God, it is Whitey Bulger and I think he... He winked at me! Whitey Bulger just winked at me! What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
 
"Well, it means he made bail, for one thing. I know the Feds just had him locked up for a couple of days, but it's amazing what you can do if you pull a few strings."
 
"Who would pull strings for Whitey Bulger?"
 
"Oh boy, that's a tough one... Maybe somebody who was trying to send a message to an insubordinate subordinate who played the wrong card on the wrong person. Maybe somebody like me, young Eric."
 
"You're having Whitey Bulger following me?"
 
"No, I didn't ask him to, but if he wants to show a little gratitude, I'd say that's entirely his business. And yours, of course. Word on the street is that old Whitey was pretty upset with the way you double-crossed me by setting me up to take the fall in the debt limit talks."
 
"You can't do that!"
 
"Can't do what? Can't take the fall? Of course I can, and you set it up so I don't have any other option. 'Only the President and the Speaker can make the deal'. Nice work, young Eric. No matter what I agree to, it's going to piss off everybody on the right. I'll probably be primaried and out of a job, and you'll probably end up being the Speaker. I just hope you'll still be able to enjoy it with two broken legs."
 
"You're going to have Whitey Bulger break my legs?"
 
"Well I'm not going to ask him to murder you. What kind of person do you think I am? Certainly not they type who wants to spend the rest of his life in prison. Of course, Whitey's most likely headed back there anyway, so it's no skin off his back, and if he'd like to administer a little rough justice to a double-crossing weasel before he goes, that's his prerogative."
 
"You're the one that double-crossed me by making me take the lead in the debt limit talks to begin with."
 
"I'll run that by Whitey and get his take on it. I think he would see me as a strong leader who gave an opportunity to an unworthy subordinate. I hope that doesn't make him any madder."
 
"That's bullshit!"
 
"Yeah, you're right, young Eric. I really don't care if gets angrier or not. See you at the office."

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