| "I'm Megyn Kelly and I'm back now with a FOX News exclusive here at America's News Room. Joining us now on the screen is President Asif Zardari of Pakistan, a man who I loathe having to interview again. President Zardari, I want to start right out with a very important question - how did you get hold of my private cell phone number?" |
"What? No warm greetings? You're not going to ask me how I've been doing since we last met?"
"We've never met. I interviewed you one time by satellite. How did you get my number?"
"Oh, it was quite simple. Pakistan's Inter-Services Intelligence Agency is the finest in the world. And don't try changing your number on me again, Megyn Kelly. That makes them very sad."
"Sorry if I hurt your intelligence agency's feelings, President Zardari, but I want you to stop harassing me."
"I accept your apology, it is most gracious. Now, why would you contend that I am harassing you?"
"The constant call and emails, for one thing, along with the endless barrage of flowers and Tiffany's trinkets. Why are you doing this?"
"Well, after our last meeting..."
"Interview. Satellite interview."
"Whatever you wish. You will find that I am not such a bad guy. After our last interview, my intelligence service revealed that you were quite enthralled by me. They said you seemed to come alive whenever I spoke. Asif, my friends would say, I believe that you have a hot one."
"You're intelligence service is wrong, and you don't have a hot one. I'm a married woman."
"You know, sometimes in Pakistan a married woman will..."
"Stop it right there."
"Forgive me, Megyn Kelly. I have many lonely nights. I myself am no longer married... although I used to be."
"Do you know what happened to my wife?"
"Of course I do. Everybody knows what happened to Benazir Bhutto. It was tragic."
"Tragic enough to soften your heart, Megyn Kelly?"
"No. Let's move on. What is your reaction to the Obama administration suspending and in some cases canceling millions of dollars in aid to the Pakistan military."
"It is quite unfortunate that it has happened and I feel very badly about it, but not as bad as I feel about losing your affection... You are not going to react, Megyn Kelly? No? Ah, well. We were counting on getting some new artillery with that aid, but I do read the papers so I understand what is going on."
"You understand the need for Pakistan to be a better ally when it comes to fighting terror emanating from it's own borders?"
"Heavens no. I understand that the United States is in the midst of a financial meltdown. Perhaps you do not report on that story there on foxy news."
"It's FOX news, not foxy news."
"During the times when you are on, I believe I am the one who is correct. At any rate, with your country now facing such a fiscal disaster..."
"And we do report it. Relentlessly."
"I can imagine you reporting it no other way, Megyn Kelly. Still, money is tight, so I can understand why you would need to save a little by depriving us of a few bucks to fight terrorism."
"It's not a few bucks, it's eight hundred million."
"A trifle in a big economy like Pakistan's. And yet, even in it's time of hardship, your country is still big hearted enough to give us a billion and change. So I hope that you, Megyn Kelly, are big hearted enough to give me one of your smiles."
"You don't seem to understand that neither this country nor myself are interested in a relationship with you."
"You might not want it, but perhaps you need it."
"Stop leering at me."
"Easy for you to say, but that would be like trying to stop foreign terrorists from operating within Pakistani borders. Sometimes when your heart tells you..."
"That's enough, President Zardari. We're done here. And I vow that I will never interview you again."
"Good idea, Megyn Kelly, this is far too formal. Next time let's meet at a cafe and just talk."
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