Wednesday, May 4, 2011


"I'm Megan Kelly and I'm back now with a FOX News exclusive. Joining us now on the screen is President Asif Zardari of Pakistan.  President Zardari, I want to start out by saying how awesome it is that you chose to do your first interview since the killing of Osama bin Laden on my show."
"Thank you very much. My intelligence informs me that with the departure of Katy Couric you are now America's Sweetheart."
"Your intelligence services are apparently more reliable than a lot of politicians are saying right now."
"They have been wrong at times in the past, but sometimes they knock it out of the park. I thought it of utmost importance that my first interview be with a sweetheart."
"I may be a sweetheart but I can also be tough, as you'll see by my first question. President Zardari, how could Osama bin Laden live for at least six years in a major Pakistan city without being detected?"
"Wow, that is a tough question, much as you forewarned, but since you are also fair and balanced, I will not hesitate to answer. The truth is that it is just one of those things."
"Just one of those things? But he lived in a huge house."
"Large, yes, but I wouldn't call it huge. You should see my place. As a matter of fact, I will extend an invitation here and now for the very next time you're in Islamabad."
"President Zardari, please stop leering at me."
"I cannot help myself, Megan Kelly. Your hair is like spun gold and you have many other remarkable assets as well."
"Back to bin Laden's compound... You're saying that no one was suspicious, even though it had fourteen foot high walls topped with barbed wire?"
"The general consensus is that it was just someone who liked their privacy. Pakistan is a privacy loving nation. Perhaps you would like me to invade your privacy, Megan Kelly."
"Stop it. There's an growing number of people who are saying that you intentionally overlooked bin Laden for years so that you could continue to collect the billions in military support aid. I'm one of the people saying it."
"That saddens me, Megan Kelly. It's lonely at the top."
"These same people are calling for a complete end to future aid to Pakistan."

"I must admit that is worrisome. Congressman Ted Poe introduced such a bill today in your House, and my intelligence service assures me that he is one of the most powerful people in Washington. I don't care about the money but I would hate to lose the weapons. I love American weapons... It appears as though you are equipped with a pair of strategic American warheads yourself, Megan Kelly."
"That's it. The interview is over."
"Wonderfully done. Perhaps you would like my email address before I go."


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  2. Wish Dana Bash would interview someone. She sort of looks like a horse. I like that!!