Thursday, May 5, 2011

God answers Michele

The Financial Issues Stewardship Ministry is a peculiarly American blend of religion and Capitalism, an organization that has developed a "Biblically-responsible system of managing and picking stocks with great success". A "ministry to help people make good financial decisions," they traffic in Christian oriented financial books and newsletters, so of course they've got a radio show hosted by founder and Dan Cella. There probably is no more perfect guest for such a show than Michele Bachman, who appeared this week to ask for very special prayers.
"I am asking your listeners to now please pray for me and my husband and my team," Bachmann beseeched the multitude who listen religiously to Cella. "Ask that the Lord will give us a special anointing on how to put our team together, who those team people will be, that he would bring those people to us. It won't be easy, it will be a very, very difficult fight. If this is something that the Lord has called us to, he will make a way where there is no way, and so we're asking for that prayer."
"I am so not going there," replied the Deity, winking and speaking from stage left. "If she had asked Me privately instead of trying to involve Dan Cella's multitude of listeners, I still would not give this woman political advice. Even Jim Morrison was wise enough to know you cannot petition the Lord with prayer. Oh My Me, the gall of this woman."
"You know, when I think about it, she's not even asking for political advice, she's looking for someone to put her whole organization together for her. She's right about one thing, however, this is going to be a very, very difficult fight. Hey, here's some advice, Michele - you need to keep that prayer for yourself because otherwise you don't have one."
"Being gracious, even though I won't give her advice, I will give her a clue. Get a personnel director. There. Prayer somewhat answered. It doesn't matter, though. She'll end up doing exactly what she wants and then saying it was my decision. Even when they don't like my advice, they love to drop My name."


  1. This is another one of those posts where just the title and picture make me laugh loud and hearty right off the bat. Then there's what God said.

    So good.

  2. Bachmann s*cks but at least she's not a mormon. A few wasps might be whereas mormons are ....liquidation meat.