| Not that anyone much noticed it, but the first Republican debate has now come and gone, and to the surprise of the political cognoscente, the tallest midget was Herman Cain. No, seriously. Look: He even has his own nickname now courtesy of the Wall Street Journal - The Hermanator. |
'The Hermanator', Pawlenty. Sounds so much cooler than 'T-Paw', doesn't it? Pawlenty was expected to dominate this sorry initial showing, but he was so cautious that he seemed like a man waiting for an appointment with a dental hygienist. Ron 'Gold Standard' Paul was the other 'major player' but his biggest moment may have been his defense of libertarianism by explaining that even if the US were to legalize heroin, it didn't mean that everybody would rush out to try it. Rick 'Man-on-dog' Santorum, unsurprisingly, came across as a man spoiling for a fight in a bar where nobody would give him one. Gary 'Who' Johnson wasn't expected to make much of an impression so I guess he didn't disappoint.
By virtue of coming off at least as well as Rand Paul's daddy or the Human Shadow, Herman Cain didn't disappoint either, as you can see by this online FOX News poll (i.e. the only poll that counts), so I guess that makes him the winner. If Cain was president, at least the future of America's dwindling pizza reserves would finally be secure. As David Lynch memorably once had Laura Dern say, "This whole world's wild at heart and weird on top". And Herman Cain survives to fight another day.