| Conservatives across the nation looked on with wonderment today as the Minnesota government shut down, seeing it as a sure sign that the end was near. |
"The end of big government overreach, the end of bureaucratic meddling in the affairs of the American people, it's beautiful," said House Speaker John Boehner, wiping away a tear of joy. "The parks barricaded, the road projects at a standstill, the sad-eyed government workers standing idly outside of the closed unemployment offices... God, it's times like these that make me so damn proud to be a Republican."
"It is a wonderful sight," agreed Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "I suppose the very best thing about it is the lesson it can teach some of our Democratic colleagues. Here you have a conservative state lorded over by liberal Governor Dayton who thinks the best way to tackle their enormous budget deficit is by declaring class warfare and trying to raise taxes on corporations and the top earners. Those are the job creators, of course, and happily the Republican legislature said 'No you don't, Dayton, we'd rather shut the whole thing down'. Let that be a word to the wise, President Obama."
"I predict that this is what's going to be happening everywhere," said Newt Gingrich. "A reckoning is upon us. Having caused my own government shutdown, I'd like to say that I'm happier about this than anyone, but I know we have two candidates from Minnesota who I'm sure take a lot of pride in this."
"You bet I do, Newt," replied former Governor Tim Pawlenty. "In a way you could say that I'm responsible for the whole thing. After all, I did leave Dayton a five billion dollar deficit. Hey, it never hurt me because folks new my heart was in the right place. And besides, it's not my problem anymore."
"I'm awestruck," added Michele Bachmann, "even more so than Governor Pawlenty. This is surely a sign from the Lord above and the Republican legislature, although not necessarily in that order. I just wish everybody in this great land could experience the same heady sense of liberation that I do, and I'll keep working tirelessly to insure that they can."
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