Sunday, July 3, 2011

Independence Day special: the fourteenth amendment

"I've got to admit it, John. For the first time, I'm starting to get really, really worried."
"About what? About destroying the full faith and credit of the United States? I'm really glad to hear you say that, Mitch, because I've been thinking that we've really got to compromise on the debt limit before it's too late."
"What the hell are you talking about, Boehner? There will be no compromise on new revenues or taxes during my watch. What I'm worried about is the fact that Obama is right on the verge of bamboozling us again."
"Obama is going to bamboozle us?"
"Oh, the man is a bamboozler, all right. Let there be no doubt about it. And I think he may be getting ready to play his fourteenth amendment card on us."
"You know, I like the Constitution and I'm familiar with all it's more salient features, but uh... would you just briefly refresh my memory on that one?"
"Don't you have your pocket Constitution with you, Boehner?"
"Let me check... No... No, I think I must have left it in one of my other black suits."
"Here. Section 4. It's quite brief, so you should be able to follow it. 'The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned.'"
"Frankly, Mitch, I don't see how that's a problem. I don't think any of us are questioning how valid our debt is. It's how we're going to pay for it that's the problem."
"It means that Obama can keep on borrowing to pay out obligations and say the Constitution requires him to, bonehead. It means that it might be legal for him to subvert our mandate."
"That's crazy talk."
"That's the exact same thing John Cornyn said on FOX News Sunday. Where were you? Playing golf?"
"Shot a 76 at Rock Creek. Could have been two over par but I had a double bogey on the seventeen."
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about. The point is, this sort of crazy talk is rampant. Chuck Shumer is telling his supporters that we're deliberately trying to sabotage the economy as a means to defeat Obama next year."
"Imagine that. It's pitiful that he's just figuring that out now."
"Yeah, well now that he has, he's urging Obama to consider playing the fourteenth amendment card."
"Shumer always has been a bit of a nogoodnik.... So, is that all the fourteenth amendment has to say about the matter? I mean, the Constitution always tends to get a little wordy."
"That's about the size of it, other than the government doesn't have to pay for the loss of slave services or for debt incurred in aid of insurrection or rebellion against the United States."
"Not a lot to work with there..."
"That's why I'm worried. If Obama were to use that way out, there would be rioting in the street."
"I thought we were supposed to support a strict interpretation of the Constitution... Of course, our Tea Party friends go crazy when it's someone else interpreting it, so you're probably right, that's just the price we'll have to pay."
"God knows how you've risen as high as you have, Boehner."
"Brinkmanship, Mitch, same as you."


  1. And I thought it was "venality."

    They don't go far in the GOP without it.

    You should write a book of this stuff. It'll sell millions.

    Love ya!


  2. Crazy bat shit - I work with people that seem to think continuing to cut taxes is a benefit, yet can't figure out why schools, police, fire depts etc have no $$$$$ - but it's all obamas fault - and hey, complain about the price of gas, but keep driving the huge suvs ; (

    Go figure - er, nicely done! = Cheers!