Saturday, August 6, 2011

blameless


With America enjoying the relief associated with no longer having to worry about a possible credit downgrade, Republican leadership got right to work on the single most important issue at hand - avoiding any remote suggestion that they might deserve even a scintilla of blame for the the fall from grace with the great gods S and P (deities so fearsome that their full names are rarely spoken aloud).
 
"The first time I met the president, just a couple days after his inauguration, I tried to explain to him my plan to reduce the deficit," House Majority Leader told the Wall Street Journal in an interview with the fair and balanced headline of 'Obama and the Narcissism of Big Differences'. "He just looked at me with that smug and smarmy little smile of his and says 'Young Eric, elections have consequences and I won'. I was too stunned to reply, 'yeah, Bozo, you might have won, but the rest of us lost'. And now it's easy to see how prophetic my unsaid words would have been, for he has managed to destroy our precious AAA credit rating and plunge us into the hell that is an AA+. Well, I did all I could, but sometimes one man can't make a difference."
 
Cantor did allow that there was a point where it appeared that progress was being made in negotiations because Biden and Boehner established a rapport, agreeing "not to get flared up over philosophical differences."
 
"Rapport, what a vile word," spat Cantor. "You might as well call it agreement to surrender, because that's what the Speaker was ready to do. What a piece of work. The other side wanted revenues, they were relentless about it. Can you imagine anything crazier than raising taxes at a time where our credit rating has been downgraded to a double A plus? Now we're going to need tax cuts more than ever."
  
"Young Eric has a big ego and an even bigger mouth," replied Speaker Boehner. "I guess we all remember who it was that was trying to achieve a grand bargain of four trillion and make changes in our runaway entitlement programs, and it wasn't anybody that might be nicknamed four-eyes. Sure, there was a revenue component, but it really wasn't much to write home about, just closing a few loopholes. It was four trillion dollars, and four trillion is exactly what the exalted Stand... whoops, I almost said their name aloud, but that's what the S&P gods wanted, and you should not deny them their due."
 
"Look, in the judgment they rendered upon us, S&P said that our governance and policymaking ha become less stable, effective and predictable. They said the threat of default had become a political bargaining chip in the debate over fiscal policy, and I sure don't think you've ever heard me threatening default, unlike a certain four-eyed whippersnapper I could mention."
 
"I'm listening here. I am not a four-eyed whippersnapper," responded a petulant Michele Bachmann.
 
"That's the House for you, always squabbling," chuckled Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "I myself said that our tactics in the debt limit negotiations were the new template and that you could expect us to use them again and again. So as you can see,  there's more than enough blame to go around, although I am perfectly content to assign it all to President Obama."

1 comment:

  1. This is funny to me after listening to this this past week.

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