Thursday, August 4, 2011


"Hello... Hello? Anybody on the line?"
"...sigh... Good afternoon, Mister President, this is Speaker Boehner... sigh."
"Oh, hi John. What's up? Calling to tell me how anxious you are to do some more negotiating? Ready to take another hostage?"
"...sigh... No..."
"I'll bet you're calling to rib me about getting old, aren't you? Yeah, I hit the big 5-0 today."
"Well, I hit the big 6-0 a couple of years ago, so 50 doesn't sound that bad to me right now...sigh...I guess..."
"What's the matter, John? You're off for a month, I thought you'd be out and about, hitting the links. Aren't you enjoying vacation?"
"I'm not all  that big on vacations... sigh... We've got a real problem, Mister President."
"We've got a lot of real problems. Any one in particular?"
"Surely you must be toying with me... The's really tanking."
"I know, it's brutal. Five hundred points today, a thousand over the past couple weeks. Part of it's a natural correction, but it's really being exacerbated by the mess in Europe. Then of course there's your consumer deleveraging, global commodity pricing, the overheating in China, and a new natural disaster or crisis nearly every week. But just try explaining that to people."
"Our friends on Wall Street...sigh...they're telling me to do something about it."
"They are? Well whatcha gonna do, John?"
"I'm calling you."
"Oh? You know there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it. I don't have a magic wand."
"I was kind of hoping you did..."
"Well, I don't. What would you do if you were president?"
"I always find tax breaks are a good confidence builder..."
"Uh huh..."
"Our friends on Wall Street really really like them, but I suppose that you wouldn't be interested, would you? Not even for the good of the country."
"Not really."
"Maybe you could go on the TV, give a little pep talk..."
"John, I'm trying to enjoy my birthday right now."
"I know you also enjoy going on television, and this evening would be an idea time. I'm sure the networks would okay it."
"I've got a lot of friends here waiting for me..."
"You could tell the people to go back to their normal investing. You know, like after 9/11, when Bush told everyone to just carry on with their normal behavior."
"Of course nobody did. Oh man, you should smell the chicken."
"What is that? Some sort of weird metaphor?"
"They're grilling chicken outside, John."
"So I'm supposed to tell our friends on Wall Street that Obama grilled chicken while the market burned?"
"Yes, tell them that... I gotta go, John. I just heard a burger calling my name."
"Okay...sigh...Well... happy birthday..."


  1. The real reason for the crash is news of the untimely death of Bubba Smith. May he rest in peace.

  2. Of course, this is so good because it is true, and happy birthday to you!