Wednesday, September 7, 2011

the economic question

"I couldn't be more pleased that you asked that question tonight, Brian, because I certainly have the most detailed economic plan of anyone else on stage. Has anyone else here got a plan big enough to put into a 160 page booklet? No pictures either, Governor Perry, so you might want one of your aides to read it for you and give you a summary."
"What the heck, Romney, you bein' aggressive with me?"
"Not aggressive, Governor. I myself am a gentleman. I know that's a dirty word for some of you tea partiers, but I always like to stay true to myself. No, I'm being enthusiastic, because in my hand I hold a rather nifty prop whipped up by my marketing department - an economy sized bottle of Mitt Romney 59 'Believe in America' sauce. You see, my economic plan has 59 separate proposals - or ingredients, as I like to call them - that will not only restore the American economy, but set it humming like never before."
"But Governor Romney, the Wall Street Journal today actually called your plan 'rather timid'. How would you respond to that?"
"Well, I suppose if you would describe 4% annual growth during my term and 11 million new jobs in the next four years, then timid it is. But I believe that once you try it, you'll be as excited as I am about it's rich bold flavor."
"Hey Wall Street boy, is it good on a burger?"
"I realize that Governor Perry is trying to make a joke, but just for the hard of thinking, let me clarify - you do not put it on a burger, you put it on America and it makes your economy taste better than ever. That's due to fine quality ingredients like the all-natural Reagan economic zones, which will transform our trade deficit into a situation that will make you shout in delight, and the eye-opening tax..."
"Time, Governor."
"Try it today, you'll be glad you did."
"Thank you, Governor Romney. Congresswoman Bachmann, how would you restore the economy?"
"I have an excellent plan which is 100% Tea Party approved, and I'd love to talk about it, but first I need to address an injustice which is taking place here on this stage. You are allowing Governor Romney to use a prop."
"That's correct."
"That's your answer? That's correct? That's outrageous, nobody gets to use a prop during a debate."
"We have no restrictions that address the issue. To repeat my question, Congresswoman, what is your plan to restore the economy?"
"I know the question, Brian Williams, and I know your game. I should never have agreed to do a debate on MSNBC. You guys in the liberal media want to give an advantage to the least conservative candidates here. It wouldn't surprise me a bit if you told him he could bring a prop. I'll bet you gave the word to Jon Huntsman as well."
"Yeah, they did, Michelle."
"Well, I think we should all..."
"Time, Congresswoman. Ambassador Huntsman, are you able to answer the question any more effectively?"
"Indeed I am, Brian. You may notice that in my hand I'm holding a replica of a Formula One racing car which represents my economic plan which will get America moving at top speed. You see, the secret is..."


  1. I fear that we've passed the point where any economic plan will do any good.

  2. up Anne Romney's buttSeptember 8, 2011 at 12:06 PM

    The f-ing Simi dawgs--their Airforce 1 rig didn't go off.

    Mittens was nearly entertaining in his dealings with Tex "the Piker" Perry. Miss B-mann was not having much phunn in the CA sun either.