Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Mister Unpopularity

Graphic created via Fakeposters.com
Once the magic fades away, it's usually gone for good, and there's just no bringing it back as Vanilla Ice would indisputably tell you. Oh sure, a few diehard fans sometimes remain, and after a decade or so you might even get lucky enough to score a home renovation show on some third-rate basic cable reality network, but you know what they say about the moving finger - it writes, and having writ moves on, perhaps flashing you the bird on the way out as an afterthought.
With a job approval rating of only 43% with just fourteen months to go before the 2012 elections, Barack Obama now has the lowest approval ever registered by any president in the past fifty years except for Lyndon Johnson, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H W Bush, Bill Clinton, and George W Bush.
"I kinda feel sorry for the poor fella. I can't help myself, I'm a compassionate human bean," says current Republican frontrunner Rick Perry. "If I was him, I'd probably be thinking bout takin a long walk off of a short pier, not that I mean to offer unchristian-like advice. Just sayin, that's all. I mean, look, they call me 'Governor Goodhair', and even though I'm not crazy about that moniker, it's kind of a compliment in a way. Reagan they called 'The Gipper', the first Bush was 'Poppy', and even Clinton was called 'Slick Willie'. This poor guy has been in office near three years, and he doesn't even have a nickname, unless you count 'The Socialist'."
"A presidency is like a marriage, don't you think," Sarah Palin today asked a still smitten Sean Hannity (who answered in the affirmative). "In this case it's a really bad marriage, and this Mama Grizzly told the American people that it was no way going to work out, but oh no they wouldn't listen and they woke up the next morning with their hope hangover to find themselves in a loveless relationship that they can't get out of and so they're forced to just stay in the same house for four years exchanging harsh words and nasty glances, and that's no way to be."
"I hate to disagree with my good friend Sarah Palin," lied Michele Bachmann, "but a presidency is not like a marriage at all. God wants us to work out our relationships for the good of the children, and that would mean making sure Barack Obama was not a one term president. No, a presidency is more like a cell phone contract where you don't like the service, but when you try to end it they say 'I'm sorry, Mrs Bachmann, you've still got fourteen months left on this contract'. And you say 'well, I don't care, I want to cancel it anyway', and they say 'We'll be glad to cancel it but you'll still have to pay'. So you just throw your hands up in the air and realize you're stuck with the blasted phone for the next fourteen months."
President Obama is not commenting on the latest polls, but an aide close to the White House revealed that he has taken the unusual step of joining Match.com.
"The President is cognizant of his current situation," the loose lipped aide explained. "He's found out for himself how lonely it is at the top when you're unpopular. But with over twenty million members at Match.com, he's very confident that he'll be able to find a new constituency out there somewhere."

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