Find the Socialist

Sometimes it's a lonely journey being the first Socialist president of the United States, but Barack Obama can take a certain amount of comfort in the fact that the path he's blazed may now be taken by at least one of his Republican opponents. That's the shocking news revealed today by Michele Bachman during a speech at the right-wing Family Research Council.   "I will work to eradicate socialism across the United States government," Bachmann told members of the fundamentalist lobbying group. "So many Republicans aspire to be frugal socialists. We can’t preserve liberty if the choice a year from now is between an socialist and a frugal socialist."   Unfortunately for journalists, who would prefer for her to just do all their hard work for them, Bachmann declined to single out these Socialists by name. That would be far too easy. Certainly much easier than explaining what the hell a frugal socialist is in the first place.   "Well, you see, that's part of the puzzle that you figure out," she told a reporter who foolishly asked her to name names. "Perhaps you find it odd that I would present you with a puzzle, but believe me, there's a method to my madness. My coyness will cause you to give me days and days of coverage."   Sadly it would not. Just then a pretty blonde woman appeared on TV claiming that Herman Cain had offered her a spare job stimulus that he happened to have in his pants, causing the reporters to depart en masse, leaving Bachmann alone with little hope for anything more than a wag of the finger from Stephen Colbert.