Thursday, January 28, 2010


In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court has charged Barack Obama with contempt for "disrespecting our court, to our face, on national television". The President has been ordered to pay a civil fine of $500.

"The President told the American people that we had opened the floodgates to special interests and foreign corporations," Chief Justice Roberts said upon announcing the decision. "That's none of his business. Maybe he just hasn't heard of this little thing we like to call separation of powers. You know, I would have liked to fine him right then and there, but since Scalia and Thomas didn't bother to show up for the speech, I didn't think I'd have the votes."

Meanwhile, Justice Alito spoke to FOX News to explain what had prompted his 'inappropriate' behavior.

"My behavior was not inappropriate," explained Alito. "I can't stand it when somebody is rude in my courtroom, and there we were, in the court of public opinion, listening to the president disrespect us. And I didn't mutter 'not true', I muttered 'contempt of court'. The truth is, I should have been shouting it out."

Alito's claim is somewhat suspect however, as there is a certain amount of bad blood between him and Obama. During his 2006 confirmation hearings, then Senator Obama voted against him, saying that Alito "consistently sides on behalf of the powerful against the powerless."

"He surely did, and then he gave me the big thumbs down," said Alito. "Well, look who's powerless now. And I want that five hundred bucks by Monday. No personal checks, either."


  1. You're kickin' out the jams, Mark!

  2. We are not wor-thee! We are not wor-thee!

    Judge Alito while definitely in the pocket of GOP-Co, has on rare occasions showed signs of liberal tendencies: he argued for the decriminalization of sodomy, for instance.

    At least Alitito's a somewhat honest GOP frat boy. Most reserve the anal-sex for Rufie-night at Delta Crappa Phi.

  3. That was not a criticism! I really feel like that after reading your post. You know I love you beyond reason, Mark.

    I just suddenly felt like a fainting goat, okay?

  4. My last post didn't get posted. Oh well.

    It would have made more sense if it had been but that's okay. Comment systems on blogs make me confused.

    Anyway, it woulda been a contender, I tells ya!

    Fainting goats. It all makes me feel like a fainting goat.

  5. A fainting goat? I believe there's an Islamic parable about that.

  6. I'm not f-ing down with those lil' lacey thangs the lady-judges have to wear as ties. Maybe all of 'em should have to wear them--or wigs.

    And.....I could be wrong, but Ms Sotomayor appears to be quite righteously stoned in some recent pics of the SCOTUS gang. Kick some down to the homies, Lil g......