Sunday, January 31, 2010

Larry King Live

"I mean, Larry King would have a more thorough interrogation of one of his guests than the Christmas bomber had by the Justice Department." - Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell

"We're here tonight with our special guest, Omar Farouk Abdulmutallab, better known to the American public as the Underwear Bomber. Good evening, Omar, and welcome to Larry King Live."

"Good evening, Larry, and the name is Umar, not Omar."

"Umar. That's a pretty unusual name, isn't it? Did you change your name in order to make yourself sound more terrifying?"

"No, Larry, that was the name given to me by my father Alhaji, and it is obviously not a very terrifying one, since everybody just calls me the Underwear Bomber."

"Which is not a terrifying name at all. Do you think that people call you that as a way to help them mask their fear?"

"No, I believe that people just think it's a funny name, and quite frankly I'm very embarrassed by it."

"As well you should be. So, Omar, can you tell me why you wanted to blow up Northwest Airlines Flight 253?"

"That's a matter before the courts, Larry, and I said before I agreed to come on your show that I would not discuss it."

"Rats... So, do you feel betrayed by your father, who tried to warn the authorities that you were a potential menace to society? You must have some very strong negative feelings towards him. Did you ever feel like murdering your Dad?"

"Not really, Larry. I think that he did what he thought was best for my well-being, particularly considering the fact that I had changed in ways that he might not have understood."

"Such as your desire to blow up the United States?"

"Excuse me? Larry, everything that was discussed with my lawyer, I'll say once again, is completely confidential. I'm not going to be able to talk about it. So I'm just letting you know that ahead of time."

"Rats... You can't even admit that you intended to kill innocent people? I mean, the purpose of carrying explosives in your underwear must have been..."

"Larry, you're being inappropriate. You really are. So I'm not going to..."

"What? I'm just asking a question."

"I'm not going to talk about anything discussed with my lawyers. Those were confidential statements. You know that."

"All I'm asking is... Well... All right, Omar. Legal rules tonight. So let me ask you about your underwear... Where did you buy your underpants? I don't believe that it could have been at Sears or Wal-Mart, as they seem to have been underpants of a very unique - let's say explosive - nature, ones that could not ordinarily be procured at your average suburban shopping mall."

"They did not explode, Larry, but for the record, they did give me second degree burns on my balls. And again, this line of questioning is very inappropriate."

"But you do agree that you had special underwear?"

'Yes. It was very special underwear."

"Do you know who else has some very special underwear? Angie Dickinson... She had this red lace bra and panty set that used to make me so hot that..."

"Larry, you... you're being inappropriate, OK? And I'm not going to..."

"What? I'm just talking about the great star of film and television, sometimes referred to as the classiest woman in show biz, which I would say is a far cry from being referred to as the Underwear Bomber, and I... You're leaving, Omar? Because the studio door is locked... Rats. Did he hear me speaking to him? Omar? Is security still out there? Rats. Is he leaving because I brought up Angie Dickinson? Because I... Rats... This is the last time that I take a guest recommendation from Mitch McConnell... Who do we have backstage? Mitch McConnell? Rats..."


  1. I don't think I've ever see anything more inappropriate. How could anyone— cheeky bomber or not— wear robin egg blue cashmere on a disgusting talk show? Meh.

  2. I used to have a crush on Angie Dickinson... even before Police Woman but when Burt snagged her... I knew a 10 year old kid wouldn't stand a chance.

    The Repugs INCLUDING my Senator Susan (sorry, I have walnuts in my mouth) Collins are all over this. WTF? Geezus-H-Crimminy!! I just don't get the torture porn influence...

  3. I used to have a crush on Angie Dickinson, but when Larry King snagged her, I knew a 10 year old kid wouldn't even have an interest.