"She told me she hadn't had a bite all week. So I bit her."

Andre Bauer, after shooting himself in the foot once again. South Carolina Lieutenant Governor Andre Bauer, the man who is only a heartbeat away from walking the Appalachian Trail, attempted today to back away slightly from comments he made at a Town Hall meeting Friday, where he compared those individuals who receive government assistance to stray animals. "My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed," Bauer told what we can safely assume was an adoring and non-breeding South Carolina audience. "You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better." "I wish I had used a different metaphor," Bauer told CNN today, obviously regretting that he hadn't used his simile about garden slugs instead. "I never intended to tie people to animals," he said, moments before once again comparing people to animals, albeit the cuttest and cuddliest ones that his firecracker mind could come up with. "If you have a cat, if you take it in your house and feed it and love it, what happens when you go out of town?" Well, what exactly does happen when you go out of town? Bauer never answered his own question, but we are pretty sure that we know the answer. It begins with the consumption of all available resources, followed by a period of bewilderment and desperation, and ends with a slow and agonizing death. Not the best metaphor either, Andre.