Cheney restored

Former Vice President Dick Cheney, shopping for body parts. A weary nation breathed a sigh of relief today, as former Vice President Dick Cheney was released from George Washington Hospital, where he underwent his second heart transplant since 2008. Doctors said he was in good spirits and "eager to get back to the important work of fear mongering." "Most patients don't bring along their own heart donors," said Dr Herbert West, the man who performed this transplant as well as the first. "Freshness is so important in this business, and you can't get any fresher than still alive." Cheney praised American Health Care, which he described as the best in the world, and his medical insurance, which he said was "the best money can buy, not that I have to pay for it or anything like that." He also expressed his gratitude to Ramzi Binalshibh, one of the Guantanamo Bay prisoners he had transferred to the dungeon in his McLean Virginia home during his final days in office in order to assure a ready supply of replacement body parts. Binalshibh was one of the masterminds of the 911 attack and was slated to be the 20th hijacker, but was unable to obtain a US Visa. Before his transfer to the Cheney dungeon, he was kept in GITMO's top secret section for high-value detainees. "He was a bad man," said Cheney, "but he had a good heart."