Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Iranian runaround

Iran has officially announced the grand opening of two new production facilities for unmanned aerial drones. The planes, which have been in development for at least two years, are said to have both surveillance and attack capabilities, and are similar to the drones the US has been using in Pakistan and Afghanistan. The revelation came shortly after Iran's pronouncement that it was building several new enrichment centers to facilitate their move toward a higher refinement grade of Uranium, and pretty much at the same time that U.S. Defense Secretary Gates was meeting with European leaders to discuss what type of ineffectual new sanctions to deploy against Iran.

Speaking today at the Tehran Kiwanis Club luncheon, where he was receiving their coveted Bahram Radan award, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad scoffed at "all the silly Western talk about our so called wicked intentions," saying that "as usual for those held in thrall by the Zionists, these people are simply overreacting to their inadequate interpretation of Ayatollah Khamenei's innocent words. As far as I know, the Supreme Leader was probably just kidding."

Earlier in the day, Supreme Leader Khamenei had casually mentioned that "the Iranian nation, with its unity and God's grace, will punch the arrogance of the Western powers on the 22nd of Bahman (February 11) in a way that will leave them stunned."

"Ah, that's the Supreme Leader for you," laughed Ahmadinejad. "Always with the drama, that fellow. I remember last year when he promised that he would puncture the heart of my shameful pride, and then when I asked him what I had done, he tells me my reelection to the presidency was now official. And then he laughed and laughed. Inwardly. I assume. Well, thank you for this wonderful luncheon, and the little statue of Bahram Radan. And the flowers - the flowers are beautiful. Now if you will be so kind as to excuse me, I have some protestors I must execute. Just kidding, just kidding. Perhaps."

"That guy just drives me crazy," said Secretary of State Clinton. "As a matter of fact, his entire government drives me nuts. I don't get his jokes, but since he's always smiling, I feel like I have to give him some benefit of the doubt. And Khamenei, you manage to get through to him, he just says 'talk to Mahmoud', so he's useless... I ask President Ahmadinejad, what do you need higher grade Uranium for, and he tells me that Iran needs radioisotopes for their hospitals, so I ask why he needs to make such a large quantity of the radioisotopes, and he claims there are a lot of really sick dissidents in Iran. Really? I ask him about the drones and he says that they're for flying the radioisotopes to the sick dissidents in the hospitals, yada yada yada. I think there's a real credibility gap with him, and I've got half a mind to suggest that we impose even harsher ineffectual sanctions on this whole untrustworthy government."

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