earmarks safe

John McCain, the senator who claimed during the 2008 presidential campaign that he had "never asked for nor received a single earmark", is, as usual, mad as hell today after a bill calling for a one year moratorium on earmarks was soundly defeated by a vote of 68-29. "I think old John is stretching the truth a little when he says that he's never asked for an earmark," said Senator Thad Cochran, one of 15 Republicans who joined the majority of the Democrats and made defeating the bill a true bipartisan effort. "Fact is, John has quit asking for earmarks cause he knows he's never going to get any. Seems like he's rubbed us all the wrong way at one time or another, and when it comes time to craft a final bill, there's always someone with enough of a recent grudge willing to yank John's earmarks out. Me, I love me some earmarks. I got $500 million of them in this year's spending bills alone. I don't have any guilt trips." "Thad, you pork eating son of a bitch, I hope you choke on your $500 million," shouted a red-faced McCain. "You need to wise up and realize that the American people want fiscal responsibility and accountability, you self-centered moron." "See, that's exactly what I was talking about," chuckled Cochran. "Now I'm gonna be carrying a grudge against that hot-head, and next time he wants something, he's not gonna get it." "Senator DeMint worked his tail off on this earmark bill," bellowed McCain. "We need something at least as good as the one the House passed." "Try and get a clue, will you?" said Jim DeMint. "I've got a tough re-election bid this year, so of course I'm for earmark reform, and five years from now, maybe I'll be for it again."