Friday, July 16, 2010

The Breakfast Club, The Prequel

...and that's why I think the financial reform bill is ill-conceived. I think it is going to make credit harder for the American people to get. That's the reason I think it ought to be repealed...

Hear, hear!
Where, where? Oh... Sorry Mister Blankfein, for a moment there I thought we were under attack... Of course we are under attack by an administration hell bent on overturning everything that makes our country unique. House Democrats gave President Obama every dollar, every tax hike, every 'stimulus' program, and every government takeover he asked for...
Of course it could be argued that an effective Minority Leader might have been able to prevent that. Maybe what we need is some new blood... some 'Young Guns', available September 14th.
Now some might say to me, hold on, Boehner, the bill just passed, although the meager 60-39 margin is proof positive that this is not legislation the American people want. So the time to fight for repeal is now, and I'm proud to be a quick draw.
A young gun can beat a quick draw any day of the week, old man.
Ah, the impetuousness of youth... But I don't know about calling yourself a young gun, Eric. Aren't you approaching the big five-oh?

I'm only 47. As of June.
I suppose that might be relevant if we were talking about dog years. At any rate, as I was saying, the wrong sort of financial reform will have the effect of making Woof woof! Woof! Woof woof woof!

Whoa! Did you make him do that, Mister Blankfein?

Indeed I did, young Eric. I just stick my hand up his ass where the control panel is planted and work him like a puppet. Watch this.
The market needs to be unfettered so great corporations like Goldman Sachs can grow and prosper. I love Goldman Sachs. Buy their stock, America, so we can lift them even higher.

Wow! He didn't even move his lips. Do you think I could try that?

Indeed you may, young Eric. Here, have a go at it.

Folks, I want to tell you about a great new book available September 17. It's 'Young Guns' by my young hero Eric Cantor. It's a blueprint for for the nation, fresh new ideas on how to restore America, not stale old ideas like the ones that fall out of my mouth.

Oh... Excellent.

Hey, Lloyd. What's up? You guys got your hands up Boehner's ass?

Indeed we do, Mister Hayward. Do you have any special requests?
Maybe a few kind words for BP. And do you know that teapot song? I'm rather partial to that.
BP is beyond petroleum, it's more than just a slogan. They make the day a little better.. I'm a little teapot short and stout, lift me up and pour me out... Poor me. Poor me. Pour me another one.

Bravo! Bravo! Magnifico!
I seem to have lost my train of thought, but I guess it's okay... Everybody's cheering...
I've got to say that was pretty fantastic, Mister Blankfein. Still, I've got to wonder - isn't that extremely painful?
Keep striving for that leadership position, young Eric, and I'm sure you'll find out soon enough.



    Looks like a 'bot created by the CIA or something. Or James Bond villain?

    Either way, the money boys are upset at the finance bill. legislative reforms on finance, why that's, that's...unconstitutional! They'll probably send 'er over to the Black Robe posse for a repeal--5-4