Inspire

"Excuse me. Excuse me young man, I am talking to you. Yes, you with the scraggly beard. You do not even appear to be old enough to be looking at my adult magazines. Let me tell you something, young sir, there is a very good reason why these magazines are encased inside of cellophane. People from all walks of life travel in and out of this airport, and when they come into my news stand, many of them do not appreciate being assaulted by photographs of depraved American women displaying their most private of parts. Now that you have removed the protective covering I am going to have to insist that you pay for this copy of Juggs and leave my establishment immediately. Now hand it to me. What? What's this? You have secreted another magazine inside of it?" "I... I was going to buy them both." "Indeed you shall. Now let's see, that is six dollars and ninety-five cents for the filth, and... Oh. This is the new issue of Inspire magazine? I did not recognize it as such. From the cover it appeared to be a news periodical." "It is a news periodical, news about our struggle. I mean, news about the struggle of certain Muslims that are frequently referred to as radical." "A group to which I assume you see yourself as a member, am I correct? Do not answer. There are cameras everywhere." "That is the very reason that I concealed this copy of Inspire inside of American pornography." "Your wisdom belies your age, young sir. But let me ask you this question - is it truly wise to buy an issue of Inspire? When Inspire first appeared, it was fresh and new, but this slick periodical I now see before me appears little different than a copy of Newsweek." "You cannot judge a magazine by it's cover. A quick glance at it's pages will quickly prove that it is as intensely dedicated to global jihad as ever!" "Please speak with less volume. The customers are staring." "Pardon my enthusiasm, but please take a look at page 32." "'Fall's Five Must Have Hijabs'? I am most certain that my wife would desire these, but..." "Perhaps it is on page 42." "'The Ultimate Mowing Machine'? Bwah ha ha ha. I see. This is most amusing. That is a Ford 4x4, not a lawnmower." "It is a Ford 4x4 packed with explosives, not to mow down grass but to mow down the enemies of Allah!" "I asked you to keep your voice down, young sir. You may not care about your own well being but please show some respect for mine. I apologize for not being impressed by the infidel lawnmower of vengeance. I am certain that if one had such a device it would be most effective. But I still maintain that Inspire has sold out, and I need look no further than this article titled 'Shish kebab on a budget' or the pullout section about the ten best new shows on the Arab Radio and Television Network." "They say that all work and no play makes Youssef a dull boy. I for one am eager to read the lead piece, 'Until we taste what Hamza ibn Abdul Muttalib tasted'." "He tasted a little smoke and flame, did he not? That idiot boy roasted his own chestnuts without harming a single infidel. But very well, let me just bag up your purchases." "Uh, hold on before you ring that up. On second thought, I believe that I will just take the copy of Juggs."