Speaker-In-Waiting

"Well go ahead, Boehner, you've got all the friggin microphones. We were supposed to have one each but Mister Speaker-In-Waiting wants to hog them all." "I'm not so sure that I want one, young Eric. I think I'd much rather stand here and look on disapprovingly. That's why I've got you in the middle, so I can distance myself from the fool." "I may be in the middle, but I'm standing behind him, Mitch. Wait, I'm not so sure I like the way that sounds." "Hey Boehner, you gonna speak or just stand there all day like a big dummy?" "Give me a break, Mitch. We've still got a few minutes before the statement to the press is set to begin, and I'm... I'm thinking about canceling. I mean, I know what I wanted to say but right now I can't think of the right way to put it." "Duh, that's because it's a lose-lose situation. Can you believe it, Mitch, the big dummy wants to promise to raise inflation." "Yes, young Eric, just like Ben Bernake. I do understand the need for low level inflation but it would be pure insanity for us to acknowledge that." "Sure, Mitch, but bonehead here wants to promise a couple years of double digit inflation." "Give me a little respect here, you two. I was just thinking that since increases in Social Security benefits are tied to inflation, it would be a great way for us to shore up our support with seniors heading into 2012." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Boehner, that might work with the old folks but it's a great way to lose everybody else." "It's not even going to work with the senior citizens, young Eric. Sure, they want their increases, but they don't want inflation. They want to have their cake and eat it too."   "They are greedy bastards, aren't they? I have no idea why you would even want their support, Boehner." "I just thought it might be pragmatic to cater to them for a couple of years, Eric. We're not going to be able to begin dismantling Social Security until after 2012 irregardless." "You know what, fool? Some things are better left unsaid. Come on, Mitch, I'll buy you a cup of coffee." "Don't fall for that one, Mitch. You know the coffee is free."   "Shut up, numbnuts. We've got an election in a couple of weeks and you can handle this on your own." "Uh... [tap tap] Is this thing on?... Good afternoon. I have just a few brief words. As I'm sure you already know, this morning the Obama administration announced that for the second year in a row, there will be no increase in Social Security benefits. This... shameful fact... affecting our most vulnerable citizens... has created an environment where... uh, where our long suffering seniors need to go back to work. But where are the jobs? That's the topic of my remarks today. Where are the jobs? After nearly two years of the stagnant Obama economy...