Tuesday, November 30, 2010

after the summit

The long awaited 'summit' between President Obama, the GOP leadership, and a fistful of Democrats finally took place this morning, resulting in what the President optimistically described as 'productive' and 'a good start'. Even more positively, he described it as 'very civil', meaning there was minimal shouting and no one called him a Nazi.
 
"A good start, huh? Is that what he said?," asked a bleary-eyed John Boehner later in the day. "I suppose that's another reference to his SALT treaty. The man is relentless. We had a very nice meeting today. Of course, we've had a lot of very nice meetings. Me, I'm not a morning person. And I was looking forward to a nice meal, which I guess is asking a little too much for one of these morning get-togethers. Still, if the President was really serious about working together, he could at least have offered up a few Bloody Marys."
 
"That's quite true," agreed the ageless Harry Reid. "Me, I am a morning person, so it was more like three in the afternoon from my perspective. Plenty late enough for a couple of stiff ones. I'm afraid that coffee and a Danish just doesn't cut it."
 
"I respectively disagree with the Senator from Nevada," said Jon Kyl. "Some days I practically live on coffee and Danish, but Jesus, prune Danish? What the hell was Obama thinking? Nobody likes prune Danish, except maybe for Arlan Specter, and that man is history. As well he should be. Anyone that would eat that crap is not someone I want to work with."
 
"God, I ate a bite of one before I knew what it was and I almost barfed," exclaimed Nancy Pelosi. "I didn't know what to do with it after the first bite, so I just put my napkin on top of it and pretended I wasn't hungry but I couldn't get the taste of it out of my mouth. That's why I kept drinking more and more coffee. God, am I wired. Is it just me or did that coffee taste weird, too? God, I've got to go to the ladies room."
 
"Must be the coffee," chuckled Mitch McConnell. "Kenyan, no doubt. You know, protocol demands that if you serve breakfast - even a semblance of breakfast such as this one was - you at least offer a glass of orange juice..."
 
"Preferably with a healthy shot of Absolut in it," added Boehner.
 
"You know, John, not all of us like to drink in the middle of the workday," chided Steny Hoyer. "Uh, let me rephrase that, lest I sound too elitist. Not all of feel comfortable drinking in the middle of the workday. But I agree with you 100 percent that all of us should at least have the opportunity to drink during the middle of the workday, and Obama apparently just didn't see that as an option. What's your take on it, Young Gun?"
 
"I don't drink, but freedom of choice is the cornerstone of our democracy," replied Eric Cantor. "But I do like prune Danish."
 
"Obviously," laughed Reid. "You ate three of them."
 
"I see that you as good at counting Danishes as you are at counting votes," quipped Cantor. "But I was famished. I would have eaten anything you put in front of me."
 
"Well, he could have asked us to stay for lunch," asserted Dick Durbin. "The meeting lasted halfway through lunch time, and it would have been the courteous thing to do. But no, Obama has to rush right out and brief the press on all the progress we're making. I don't think we're making all that much progress, do you, Mitch?"
 
"Heavens no," admitted McConnell. "Although I think that we're all in concurrence that a little chow would have helped ease the path forward."

"Yeah," agreed Cantor. "Jeez Louise, I wish he had at least offered. It's not like you get an opportunity to go to the White House all that often."
 
"Well I do," cautioned Pelosi. "Be careful what you wish for, Young Eric. This was about as much fun as it gets."
 
"We've got bipartisan consensus on that," agreed Boehner.

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