Mt McCain erupted again today, sending out a steaming flow of red hot resentment that destroyed everything in it's path. Luckily the cantankerous old senator was home alone at the time, but it's understood that the living room carpet is an absolute mess.
The cause of the eruption is believed to have been McCain's arch-nemesis George W Bush, who for the past several days has been saying mean things behind his back. Police were called to investigate after a neighbor reported hearing a loud voice repeatedly bellowing "That's all I can stands, cuz I can't stands n'more!" Bush, of course, has been promoting his new book 'Decision Points', which compares Barack Obama quite favorably to McCain.
"Daddy's been really upset ever since President Bush started his publicity tour," said daughter Megan McCain. "He had called Bush's office a couple weeks ago requesting an advance copy of the book, but he just got an answering machine and nobody ever called him back. That happens a lot with Daddy these days. I didn't have the heart to tell him I got an advance copy nearly a month ago. Anyway, the book came out today, and I assume that he got a copy. I don't know for sure because his phone has been off the hook all day."
"I know he must be upset. Bush even took credit for Daddy's Iraq surge, and that was his pride and joy. Do you know how many nice things Bush has to say about Obama? At least ten. And do you know how many ugly thing he has to say about Daddy? I don't know, I don't have that many fingers."
As Politico pointed out in a weekend preview, 'Decision Points' basically paints a portrait of McCain as a doddering old fool who doesn't have the common sense God gave a turnip. This might have been expected given the history of bad blood between the two men, but it is a bit surprising in the context of a book that has kind words for almost everybody but Kanye West and Saddam Hussein. Oh, and John McCain.
The publication of 'Decision Points' has liberated London's Financial Times to finally print a previously unpublished Bush quote from a meeting with Gordon Brown in late 2008. Asked about McCain's campaign, Bush replied "I probably won’t even vote for the guy. I had to endorse him. But I’d have endorsed Obama if they’d asked me."
"Oh no he didn't," said a shocked Megan McCain. "I don't know if George Bush will be judged as one of the worst presidents or one of the best, but I'm pretty sure that he's the meanest."
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