Wednesday, January 19, 2011

House GOP reflects on Health Care repeal

In what proved to be a surprisingly easy lift, House Republicans believe themselves to have banished Health Care from the national agenda this afternoon.
"It's, uh... okay," Tea Party caucus leader Michele Bachman said of the victory. "But... You know how sometimes you really anticipate something, like when you're a kid waiting for Christmas? And you're just waiting and waiting, imagining how great it's going to be, and when it finally arrives, it's kind of a disappointment. That's what repealing Health Care is like. I've got another two years in Congress ahead of me, and it's like I ate my desert before dinner, and I feel like I've already shot my load. I know that's a mixed metaphor, okay, but I guess I've got a lot of mixed feelings."
"Poor Michele. She really doesn't have a lot on her plate, so I can't fault her for going for the desert," empathized Rep Peter King. "Me, I've got my Muslim hearings coming up, and I'm probably going to enjoy immigration for a long time, but Health Care, yeah, that was a biggie. And it really should have been a bigger payday, too, but we didn't play our cards right. I mean, what sort of lobbyist is going to try and buy your vote if they already know which way you're going? Kind of a pyrrhic victory, if you ask me."
"How do I feel about having repealed Health Care?" echoed Majority Leader Eric Cantor. "Pretty good, I guess. Sometimes I wish that I could say that I was as happy as John Boehner. You should have seen him this afternoon; the man was blubbering like a baby. It would be kind of cute if it wasn't so disturbing."
"There's nothing disturbing about a man being happy," asserted Boehner. "Some people look at a glass and see it as half empty. I look at a glass and say let's drink. Here's a toast to a free market where nothing is free, least of all Health Care."
"I realize this repeal isn't going anywhere in the Senate," reflected Boehner. "Some might call this a meaningless gesture, but it means the world to me."

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