| In what proved to be a surprisingly easy lift, House Republicans believe themselves to have banished Health Care from the national agenda this afternoon. |
"It's, uh... okay," Tea Party caucus leader Michele Bachman said of the victory. "But... You know how sometimes you really anticipate something, like when you're a kid waiting for Christmas? And you're just waiting and waiting, imagining how great it's going to be, and when it finally arrives, it's kind of a disappointment. That's what repealing Health Care is like. I've got another two years in Congress ahead of me, and it's like I ate my desert before dinner, and I feel like I've already shot my load. I know that's a mixed metaphor, okay, but I guess I've got a lot of mixed feelings."
"Poor Michele. She really doesn't have a lot on her plate, so I can't fault her for going for the desert," empathized Rep Peter King. "Me, I've got my Muslim hearings coming up, and I'm probably going to enjoy immigration for a long time, but Health Care, yeah, that was a biggie. And it really should have been a bigger payday, too, but we didn't play our cards right. I mean, what sort of lobbyist is going to try and buy your vote if they already know which way you're going? Kind of a pyrrhic victory, if you ask me."
"How do I feel about having repealed Health Care?" echoed Majority Leader Eric Cantor. "Pretty good, I guess. Sometimes I wish that I could say that I was as happy as John Boehner. You should have seen him this afternoon; the man was blubbering like a baby. It would be kind of cute if it wasn't so disturbing."
"There's nothing disturbing about a man being happy," asserted Boehner. "Some people look at a glass and see it as half empty. I look at a glass and say let's drink. Here's a toast to a free market where nothing is free, least of all Health Care."
"I realize this repeal isn't going anywhere in the Senate," reflected Boehner. "Some might call this a meaningless gesture, but it means the world to me."
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