Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Iran snubbed back

In a completely egregious display of incivility, Iran has invited all of the cool countries to send a delegation to their January nuclear inspection party, but forgotten to include the United States. Some analysts believe that this was no accident.

"We snubbed America?" responded a surprised President Ahmadinejad. "Oh, that sounds like something she would say. Always questioning our good intentions. But I want to make it clear that it was indeed an accident. What's that American phrase? Oh yes... it was accidentally on purpose."
"I mean, just think about it," fumed Ahmadinejad. "All we ever get from America is bitching and whining, never an encouraging word. It's disheartening. She's already bad-mouthing the party because she wasn't invited, but with her you cannot win. If we had invited America to the party, she would be bad-mouthing it anyway, 'Oh, there's not enough hors d'oeuvres' or 'They won't let me see the reactor room'. I tell you, there's no pleasing that country and quite frankly I feel that everyone else will have a better time if she just doesn't come."
"I am kind of disappointed that Iran didn't invited us," said State Department spokesman PJ Crowley. "Yeah, if Iran had asked I would have had the distinct pleasure of saying no."
"You see how she is," Ahmadinejad replied with irritation. "Always with the negativity. She says these things and maybe even convinces herself they're true. Next thing you know, she'll probably be trying to talk the other countries out of attending our party, maybe even having a bigger party herself. Well, it may be bigger, but I assure you that it won't be better."
"Iranian parties are crap parties, everybody knows that," Crowley snapped back, going on to deride the inspection party as a 'Magical Mystery Tour'. "These are antics that we've seen from Iran in the past, where they tried to kind of flash a shiny object and said: 'No, don't look over there, look here'. Totally bogus and totally not worth it."
"What?" moaned an aggrieved Ahmadinejad. "America said that? Really? I truly do not understand the meanness of spirit. She says Magical Mystery Tour like it's some sort of bad thing. Of course we love the 'look here, don't look there game', as do many fine countries, but I guess it's just not sophisticated enough for her. But honestly, to deride our shiny things is beyond the pale. Iran has the finest shiny things in the world."

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